Life is SOOOOOOO GOOD!

Well everyone, I know you are anxious to hear about our little one, and I shall make an amazing post about that, just as soon as finals are over, but I am afraid is just a little too involved for my current time constraints. SOOO, instead you get this bad boy. Hopefully it will tied(sp?) you over...probably tide you over...until the next post.

K, before the meat of this post, my dear sweet mother gifted us a Christmas story collection book thing at Thanksgiving this year so that we could read a Christmas story each night. I have lived for these stories some nights. I love how it brings in the Christmas spirit. Anyway, we have found in the most recent stories that oftentimes the last page seems to be missing. At first this was distressing, and I told Parker how glad he should be that I had heard these stories before, so I could fill it in for him, but lately, I haven't been as well versed, so we have taken to creating our own endings. Pretty much the best invention since sliced bread.

Anyway, here's the thing. I am sooooo amazingly blessed, I just can't get over it. Yesterday, I found myself grinning from ear to ear in church thinking about all the amazing blessings I have in my life, and my goodness they are too many to name, but here are a few. I am having a KID! That is miracle enough. But, I am also pretty sure that I am not going to fail this first semester of law school. Hollah! Miracle #2. Also, I have the best family in the world both mine and Parker's...just awesome family all around. Ahem, #4, we have the most wicked awesome friends on the planet. I think through all the amazing people that I know and that I have the privilege of calling friends, and I just can't get over how amazing it is. Just this week, a friend brought me clementines. Multiple friends wished me luck on my finals. Other friends brought Christmas goodie trays. Does it get better than this? Nay. For, life is just amazing.

So, when I was sitting there dumbly grinning to myself, all I could think were the words of one of my favorite songs, and if I could ever get over myself and not be such a shy mess about singing in front of people in church, I should like to sing this to them, because it is the essence of how my soul feels right now, and I almost feel bad that my insecurities are limiting my spirit from fully expressing itself in this wonderful way. Here are the words:

What wondrous love is this? Oh my soul, oh my soul!

What wondrous love is this? Oh my soul!

What wondrous love is this, that caused the Lord of bliss,

to bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul?

To bear the dreadful curse, for my soul.

When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down,

when I was sinking down, sinking down,

when I was sinking down, beneath God's righteous frown,

Christ laid aside His crown for my soul, for my soul.

Christ laid aside his crown, for my soul!!!!!!!!

To God and the Lamb, I will sing, I will sing!

To God and the Lamb, I will sing.

To God and the Lamb who is the great I AM.

While millions join the theme,

I will sing! I will sing!

And when from death I'm free,

I'll sing on, I'll sing on.

And when from death I'm free,

I'll sing on.

And when from death I'm free,

I'll praise and joyful be,

throughout eternity, I'll sing on,

I'll sing on. Throughout eternity,

I'll sing on, and On, and ON!!!!!!

I suppose this just about sums up that last, immense, and eternal miracle given to me by the Savior that I am so grateful for and which really makes my joy full.

Life TRULY is SOOOOO GOOOD!

Red Letter Day

Well, I am a gem. Last night, I laughed myself to sleep thinking about the truly amazingly lame attempts at communication I made yesterday. My lameness begets lameness begets lameness begets LAMENESS. So, anyway, I figured I should share these incredible events with the blogging world.

First, I should say, there are times when my mind is thinking about something, and it greatly impacts the way that I respond to others, but they have no idea what I am talking about, so I just come off as bizarre. Such is the case with yesterday. Be excited to see me crash and burn.

First story: I was at church yesterday. While walking from my first meeting to the second, I saw a rather new gal in our ward. She had these adorable button earrings on. So, I said to her, "What darling earrings! I love the buttons." She says to me, " Oh thanks, they were my grandma's, but then she died, and I snatched them."

Now, just realize, Parker and I just watched the animated "A Christmas Carol." With Jim Carey as Scrooge. Anyway, in that movie, at the very beginning, Scrooge's business partner dies, and when he is making Marley's funeral arrangements, he has to pay two schillings...so before they put the cover on Marley's coffin, Scrooge takes the two schillings on Marley's eyes. I believe at this time putting the schillings on the people's eyes was a customary gesture suggesting that in the afterlife they would have great riches. Who knows, but back to the story.

So, for whatever reason, when she said that about her grandma and snatching the buttons away from her, I instantly thought of this scene in "A Christmas Carol" but of course, she didn't know that. So I say to her, "Yeah, hopefully you didn't snatch them off the clothes she was buried in."

Looking a little shocked, she said, "Yeah, hopefully not, because that would be bad...and weird...and awful."

Then I laughed nervously, realizing how really off color my comment was, you know suggesting that a loving grand-daughter robbed her grandmother's body of two solitary buttons to wear as earrings...yep, that's what I did. But, I decided explaining why such a comment came out, would actually be worse than just letting her think I was really weird. Is it really better to say that her mention of her grandmother immediately turned my thoughts toward Scrooge? I think not. Especially not during this holiday season. Well done me.

Second Story: Last night, I saw one of my good friends. We will call her BB. Anyway, she is delightful. She is 31 years old. Single. In the market for a man. Working on getting her master's in school counseling. While we were talking and eating pie, she mentioned that she spoke Spanish. I said to her, "You can't speak Spanish." This was the introduction of the bad. To which she responded all cute hurt like, and then said, "Bekah, it is my goal to be a bi-lingual school counselor." Now, please keep in mind that this whole weekend, I have had to read these rotten cases about child pornography for my paper, and unfortunately, when Bree said "Bi," the first thing that popped into my head was, "Bi-sexual." I know its lame that this would be my first thought, but alas, it was my conditioned response from this lame weekend. So, now let's go back to Bree's comment...

Bree: "Bekah, it is my goal to be a bi-lingual school counselor."

Bekah: "As long as that is the only bi you are."

Score. Excellent. Could I have said something more terrible? Maybe...but probably not. Here is my dear sweet friend telling me her life dream, and me...I respond to it...like that. Cool. NOT! I wasn't trying to be funny either, once again it was just what came to mind, but of course not at all because of her...entirely because of me, but oh my, how do you salvage that?

So, as I lay in bed, going to sleep last night, it occurred to me that I can be so amazingly awkward at times. But even explaining the method behind the madness of my awkwardness, would really only make me seem all the more awkward. I think I need to learn how to keep my stream of consciousness from leaking out in front of people. While a good part of the time it is delightful, I am not convinced it makes up for the times its not.

Hope is the thing with...wings.

One of my very dear friends at law school has a blog that she has named "Hope is the thing with feathers." I don't know what it means exactly, but I sure like it, and for whatever reason, in my mind it always computes to the above phrase.

That is important for my thoughts in this post. I don't know how many of you are current with the news, but I sure try not to be. I hate finding out about the miserable things people do to each other; however, it is nigh impossible to escape in law school, and the BIG, I mean HUGE story this week has been the terrible story about Penn State. I hesitate to post a link, but I will because it is the news, and you would probably find out one way or another. We will name this link the unfortunate and altogether stupid choices of Joe Paterno head coach of the Penn State football team. In a few words, one of the assistant coaches had been molesting children who came to sports camps but now it appears that maybe he was pimping these children out too. Anyway, when this came to the attention of Joe Paterno, he told the Athletic Director who in turn told the Vice President, and everyone just kept it a secret...all for football or embarrassment or something, dunno, but every time I think about this, it just puts a pit in my stomach. So, I try to avoid thinking about it not because I think we should ignore this issue. NOT AT ALL, I just find myself too often trying to find the rationale or logic behind such acts, and it just weighs me down deep. It's pretty difficult to avoid this at school though.

Not only is EVERYONE talking about this story, but the whole first year class is currently working on a paper with the same topic: child pornography. So, as you can imagine, there has been numerous parallels drawn between this recent new story and the nasty fact situation for our papers. The majority of these are done indelicately too. I don't blame them all for talking so harshly about all of these issues, they are terrible, but it is difficult to hear that kind of crap all day long too.

Anyway, I was sure feeling low, and then as I was cooking dinner, my very loving Father-in-Law sent me another news story. This time it was about a magazine salesman who accosted a woman, sexually abused her, broke her face, nearly strangled her. I appreciate him for sending this, because I know that he sent it as a watch out reminder, and it makes me feel so glad to have people in my life who care enough to send something like this, but coupled with all the other events of the day and week and previous few weeks, I just felt so very sad. My heart hurt for all of these people. My mind raced about how Parker and I would ever be able to keep our children safe in this increasingly wicked world.

And then my mind struck upon a thought...read the Book of Mormon. Most of you know that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe in the Bible so long as it has been translated correctly, but we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. We are taught to live according the precepts and teaching found in both of these books. The Book of Mormon contains an account of Christ's teachings to the peoples living in the Americas as we believe that he visited here. If you have more questions about this you could always ask me or go here .

But I followed this thought, and I instantly knew where I wanted to read. At the very end of the Book of Mormon which is about 400-421 A.D. the abridger of the Book of Mormon, a prophet named Mormon writes an epistle to his son Moroni. I know this is a lot of set up, but I think that it will mean more with this history.

This is the final letter that Mormon writes to his Son. The world has fallen into wickedness, the two big groups of people in their society, the Lamanites and the Nephites are both incredibly wicked. The atrocities described in this chapter (Chapter 9 of the Book of Moroni) are so grave that my eyes cease to read them without tears a plenty pouring down my cheeks. I feel this so deeply because I believe that these events truly happened; in fact, I know that they did. So, today, as I sat reading, my heart crumbled as I saw the incredibly bad choices the people were making and how that affected those around them. The descriptions continue and all the while, I was thinking, WHAT IS MORMON DOING HERE? This is probably his last letter that he will ever write to his son, why, oh why would he spend so many words describing the dire situation? Moroni is living it too just in a different part of the country.

And when my heart reached almost its breaking point, Mormon said this, "My son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever."

And this is why I know that this is from God and why my faith continues despite this wicked world and why hope is the thing with wings, because when I hope is Christ, I am carried by angels.

First Snow

The way a crow Shook down on me The dust of snow From a Hemlock tree Has given my heart A change of mood And saved some part Of a day I rued. Robert Frost I feel this way about today. It has been so gloriously white. I know that by the end of the season, most dread the snow. I often dread it myself toward the end, but there is something truly magical about the first snow. A marking of time that demands all stop and take notice that a new season of life is beginning. I love that. I think God gave us snow to demand a slow down once and again. Today, I feel somewhat entirely overwhelmed with life. My Saturdays are so precious and so short. I play wife on Saturdays. I clean: clothes, house, dishes. Run errands for: food, bills, everything. And NEVER do I get everything done that I want to. This week has been a particularly demanding week at school. I had the frist draft of my brief due Tuesday. That turned out to be 27 pages. I had a final for my research class on Friday. My medicine dosage was increased yet again. All of these taken together meant that this morning, I walked into a front room littered with nearly every dish we owned, dirty, waiting for me to clean it. I have been milking my last pair of undies since Wednesday. I knew I just needed to get to today and I would finally be able to do some laundry. It turns out, when I say some, I mean nearly every piece of clothing we own. So, my day has been nearly consumed with household chores that just take so much time. I looked at the clock about twenty minutes ago realizing that I hadn't even so much as cracked a book for school this weekend, and I felt so inadequate. I wondered why I was doing this whole thing again. Sometimes I feel so wholly torn between everything I have committed to, I wonder if I will be able to actually keep it all together in the end. I honestly don't know the answer to that, but I do know that last night as I closed my eyes I drew back our curtain a little so that I could see the snow falling down, and I knew that today was going to be a good day. There is so much to be learned from this tiny miracle. Snow is not rushed, snow patiently falls forming each flake uniquely. Snow blankets the earth making even the largest mud pile look like a pinacle of mountainous splendor for a moment at least. Snow brings magic to children's eyes. Snow makes the world go slower, take more time getting where we need to get and really deciding if our needs are needs or not. I love the snow, especially the FIRST snow, and today, I really needed something to remind me that everything has its season, and that my very BEST really is good enough for what's REALLY important.

Favorite Comment.

So, today I finally collected an assignment that I turned in to my Civil Procedure professor (a.k.a. favorite professor, but very intense professor). I already knew that I had passed the assignment because he sent out an email, so I hadn't really taken time to go pick it up as it was a pass/fail grading scheme.

Well today I finally went and got it. I think, nay, I know my favorite comment from the blood bath of red ink (k, it was blue but it felt red) that covered that one solitary page was the following...

With a large arrow pointing to my heading where I have listed the names of the parties I am representing and the names of the opposing party, he has circled the names of my clients and said, "Don't you think your clients would like you to at least be able to spell their names correctly?".

And I have to say, after much consideration, yes, Professor Davies, I do. In fact, I think that would be a great first step. Guess I have a lot to learn :-)

Three Strikes, you're...

So, today was going along pretty well until I got the following email in my inbox:

October 25, 2011

Dear Patron of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir,

We received requests for over a million tickets for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square Christmas concerts. We are sorry to inform you that your registration was not selected to receive tickets.

Add that to this one from last year:

Dear Patron of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir,

Thank you for your interest in attending the 2010 Christmas concerts of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Orchestra at Temple Square on December 16-19, 2010. We received requests for over 1.5 million tickets and we are sorry to inform you that your registration for the Christmas concerts was not selected to receive tickets.

And this one from the year before that...

Well, I couldn't find it because I was using a different email back then, but Natalie King Cole sang with the choir that Christmas, and I got rejected for that one too.

(know in your heart Jane Seymour is going to be there this year and that David Archuleta was at it last year)

Here's to three years of rejections! I am beginning to think this lottery system is bunk. How do people end up going year after year? Who do you have to know to attend this event???? It hurts to be rejected this way Jane, David, and Natalie! Hurts, I tell you. Your albums/movies/books/jewelry/Gerber baby food will not be finding its way into our home. Nay! Not until I can find a way to mend this torn heart gapping open in the cold of the Utah winter season.

Dare I say that I will try for next year???? Probably not...but let's be honest, I actually probably will, this is church approved gambling I suppose and call me an addict, but I probably won't be able to stay away from my one chance to hit it big (i.e. attend a free church sponsored event).

I just so wanted the Christmas season to top off with actually being able to attend this event, but again, I will watch it from the comfort of my living room (as can all of you! Sunday morning December 18, 2011, 9:30am, BYU Channel), but then...I suppose there is always the stand by line, perhaps that is just the ticket for us this year!

If you are interested in finding out more about this concert click here, hence my great displeasure at not getting to attend in person. Better luck next time I suppose.

RIP Favorite Glasses, Favorite Sandals, Favorite Bra

It's been a rough week for the articles of clothing I most love and most neglect.

The glasses accidentally ran into a parked car on my run to the shuttle this morning while not-so safely tucked into my side bag.

The sandals have been on their way out for some time but met their utter demise when the center fastened part came in contact with a table leg and a forceful jerk by yours truly set it free.

The bra went in the washer as one and came out as two...can you guess where the division occurred?

I hope the replacements, when and if I get them, can do their predecessors proud. Unlikely.

A Law School Post

It is really late, and I need to go to bed really bad, but I know that I have kept many people in want over a law school post, and since it appears that I am in a posting mood, I will just hit this up right now.

Law school is good. I don't love it. I mean I don't know how else to say that. I don't hate it, and I am not sad that I am going, but I am not thrilled when I wake up every morning that I will be attending another day of lectures. Certainly, some days prove more exciting than others, but on the whole, the first year is just kind of rough.

Do I think law school is a beast? Yes and no. Law school can be as beasty as you want to make it. Some chose the full beast. I am not the full beast type. I prefer the minimum amount of beast needed to continue. Does that mean I think law school is a beast? Yes, but I do not think it is impossible. In fact, I think it is very possible so long as you are doing the work. Which, don't you fret, I am! I still have a lot to learn, and a lot to review, but I think by the time finals come that I will feel prepared.

I don't know how to stress enough though that I am in no way aiming for the top of the class. In fact, I would feel guilty to be at the top of the class, because the top gets opportunities I would never want, and I would feel bad taking those from people who do. So I am rather content in my little group of middleroaders. We have a lot of fun and usually learn enough to make heads and tails of school.

I do not like feeling dumb. In fact, I hate it, but here's the thing, feeling dumb just means you have hit upon something you need to understand better, and if there is one thing that I love...it's learning. If there is one thing I love even more...it is learning with a purpose in mind. Holla welcome to the cycle that gets me through law school. There will always be some amount of dumb feeling that goes along with school, but so long as I look at it in terms of the continuum of my learning and progression in school, feeling dumb is the best really, because it is the REAL start of invested learning for me at Law school. Perhaps not my favorite method to learn, but it will do.

Here's the thing. YOU could go to law school. Don't be psyched out by what people say. If you are thinking about it and have a reason to go...something that will sustain you through the hard days, I say do it. Never think you can't! YOU CAN, but I hope the thing you want to do is something more fun, like opening a second Disneyland, because that would be infinitely cooler and more fun. Food for thought.

Here comes Bekah Cotton-tail

K, the very last line of that altogether witty previous post triggered a subsequent blog. Here's the deal. I don't know what the problem is with this particular package of toilet paper that I purchased, but I practically need to keep a permanent lint roller next to the toilet. Truly, I am thinking about collecting the TP dandruff and beginning to spin thread. It could be a side job. It is a little ridiculous though. The other morning, I got up and started into my daily morning routine, when I finally stopped to look at myself in the mirror, I was practically pulling a Santa Clause with the beard that had formed from stray cotton drifts. It's tragic. People are going to think I am growing peach-fuzz, and then probably that I am a woman/man and then probably that I am a human/rabbit, and then probably just a straight up rabbit, and its not even the right season for rabbits to be cool. Typical.

Talking Me Down to Earth

So, I don't know if this is the case for you, but occasionally, I will get these pretty wild ideas that I am just certain must happen. Now that I tell you this, I am blanking on a good example...um....hmmm, okay well, here is kind of one, but it is not the best example, but hopefully it will give you an idea. Like, a few years ago, I made Parker promise me that we could go live in Africa. I am sure I started leaving african words on his facebook. Packing his lunch with photos of cute African children. Tailoring a wardrobe for the African climate. Surrounding myself with African books. Because when I have these passing thoughts, they sort of leach on to me. Some people struggle with door-to-door salesmen, not me. I struggle with passing thoughts other people would dismiss but instead begin to pattern my life after them...awesome right?

Well, what I am getting at it this. I had one such idea today. For hours I thought of this thing, in fact because of a recent dream I had (which we all know how reliable and realistic my dreams are, if you don't know what I mean see here) also, let me clarify that this dream is a different dream than the cat dream but similarly strange. Anyway, based on an event today and then this dream, when Parker arrived home at 9:15 this PM, I nearly pounced on him to unload this sure idea. I didn't have time to make a collage this time, but I am sure I was already planning it in my head. Anyway, the moral of this story is that I am really grateful for my husband.

But first, a disclaimer. I do not know why some people get married seemingly effortlessly and others have to seek almost endlessly to find a match. I swear to you this is not one of those posts that will make you feel lousy that for some reason you are fortunate enough to have a spouse. So please keep reading.

Like I was saying, I don't know why some people get married and others don't, but I do know why Heavenly Father threw Parker in my path and hit me up side the head to marry him...because I think I have impaired judgment without him.

Parker always listens thoughtfully to my wild and crazy ideas. Occasionally, there is a chuckle, but generally he pulls off a straight face, and he doesn't even tell me NO...ever, he just gently talks me down to earth.

Sometimes I still wish I was living in that hut in Africa and that I had 23 rings around my neck making it super long and unstable and supposedly attractive, sometimes I still find myself wanting to run and hide in bushes to exemplify my native capabilities...but for the most part, I am glad that I married someone who helps me see the good in where I live right now and what I am doing in my life right now and most of all...someone who has kept me grounded in a place where I don't have to wipe my butt with a leaf.

Home Again, Home Again

Oh my goodness, we are home. We had a lovely visit in Oregon, and this will not be the last mention of that. But tonight my post will be brief.

I buy Parker big bags of frozen burritos for his lunches. Healthy? No. Functional? Yes. Enough said. I am not one to eat these frozen delicacies. I figure they probably aren't good for me, probably won't make me feel good, and probably won't be able to argue my need for a larger lunch budget if I succumb to them.

Tonight, however, after coming home from a 15 hour drive spread over two days...the frozen burrito called to me, and I ate it. Oh my gosh, I nearly cried I think. It tasted sooo good to me. Just your standard bean and cheese variety, but in my mouth, it might as well have been thanksgiving dinner. Here is my conclusion, just about anything is overwhelmingly tasty after such a long time in the car.

Second conclusion, I truly am glad to be back home again.

Christmas is Just Around the Corner!

While on hiatus in Oregon, I have learned a few things. First, Parker needs sunshine at least once a week ... a need foreign to me and my parents entirely. Second, sleeping in the same bed with my husband in the room that I grew up in is a little strange (I couldn't stop thinking we were somehow naughty for just sleeping in there...together.) Third, even Oregon cannot induce Parker and I to remember to bring our camera on the trip. Fourth, seeing my parents is delightful. Fifth, I do not like doing homework while on break (evidence: this blog post). Sixth, Christmas is right around the corner!!!!!

All of these are exciting, but especially that last one. I LOVE Christmas, and while home, I have sat down and played some of my Christmas favorites on the piano ( #1: my parents have a piano. #2: my parents have the Christmas music). It sure has made me excited for that holiday upcoming. Parker and I are staying in Utah this year, and I can't wait, because for that break, I won't have to do ANY homework... almost any at least, and that will be terrific! Is anyone else getting excited for Christmas? If so tell me what you are most looking forward to about it :-)

Also, if you don't mind, jot down your address so that I will know where to send our Christmas card this year. If you don't want to leave it on my comments thing, just email me the address at butterfield.rebekah@gmail.com! Hope you are all having a great day!

Green Curry

Here is tonight's dinner. It is so yummy, and super easy. I will include the link to the recipe.

http://homecookkirsten.blogspot.com/2007/06/thai-green-coconut-curry-with-chicken.html

I substituted things. I didn't put corn in, instead I put green and red peppers, but I think you can probably put just about whatever your little heart desires. SOOOO DELICIOUS.

Clothes

Here's the thing...I kind of hate wearing clothes. Pants in particular. I always have. I dislike how restricted I feel in pants. I hate how my temperature rises and falls at will. I hate feeling my legs sweat under the heat of jeans. I hate how long the bottoms take to dry after getting wet. I am just not a fan of pants wearing. As a result, I have sort of a bad habit of getting my pants off as soon as possible when coming home from school, work, life, outside, etc. Naturally, I still always wear my unders, but this habit does add an extra step in the answering of the door when someone arrives unannounced.

Here's the other thing... I love when people arrive unannounced, so it is no big deal that I have to throw on pants again to greet people. DO NOT WORRY, I am always happy to have people stop by. DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR. I am actually socially adept most of the time, and you will never catch a glimpse of my tighty whities.

But it's that last promise that I want to address most specifically in this post. When we moved into our new apartment, my sister in law helped me sew the curtains for our enormous wall of windows. Unfortunately, at the fabric store, the lady cut the fabric on a weird line, so for the curtains to hang right, we had to do some significant trimming. This all sums up to the fact that my windows are not entirely covered. The last inch or so on either side can likely be seen through. This does not worry me so much in the day time, but at night, when it's dark outside, and light inside, it is hard to know what kind of traffic you are receiving around your establishment. I have also heard that much like bugs are drawn to lights...so are humans, and it is nigh unto impossible to look away from that entrancing apartment light while passing in the night.

For some time, I have lived on the edge. At times venturing out from behind the closed hall door of the bedroom wing of our little apartment, into the living/kitchen space beyond. Generally, my ventures are focused and rapid as I lack the drive to throw pants on when I just need to grab a drink of water or a snack or a pencil etc. I have lived on the margin of chance since moving here in June...but tonight, I commit to you, no longer will I take that risk.

Nothing drastic happened, no terrible scene unfolded, no shocked person witnessed my pants-less wanderings...to my knowledge that is. And having to wonder about it is enough to quit these underdressed ventures. I commit to reform. I commit to be better. I commit to wear pants.

Fall Break

In approximately five days, this is where I will be. Thank you FALL BREAK. This is my favorite Oregon beach. It's called Neskowin. It feels like ages since I have been there. I am so excited to return, and enjoy my home state for a few days.

Health Update

So, I had some more blood tests this week. I am so good at giving blood it is amazing. But, I believe my junkie days are over, not a moment too soon for my petite veins either. I am happy to report that it appears the medication is working, REALLY WORKING. Many of my symptoms are clearing up, and I am feeling more energy too. It is hard to gage that since law school sleep deprivation has already kicked in, but still, I can feel that I am leveling out, so I think that I am getting better. I had been scheduled for a few ultrasounds to look at various parts of my body and figure out why they weren't working right, but my blood work came back so good that those were canceled. I am really feeling blessed.

In terms of my health challenge, it is going really well. I am a week in, and I am feeling very successful. I have denied countless sweets, and I honestly do feel better. Not only that, but I have added SOOOOO many more vegetables that I feel my body systems working together better.

Now I sing the Utah State Anthem to myself...only I put Bekah in instead. So it goes like this...."Bekah, her body's working together. Bekah its a great way to be..." And that's as far as I sing, but I think that is really all of the anthem most people here in Utah know, so I don't feel too bad. Anyway, I am grateful that my body seems to be figuring itself out!

Karma

Here's the thing.

This morning, after having a lovely morning full of study and deep thinking, I boarded the shuttle bound for school. While riding the shuttle, I came into some information that upset me and honestly made me a little angry. While thinking these frustrated thoughts and walking toward school, I suddenly screamed because my toe felt a sharp shooting pain. And then I saw a bee stumble off my toe, likely to go die somewhere...alone...so lonely...by itself...without a butt. Anyway, I of course was in great pain, and became instantly nervous because I haven't had a bee sting since I was 8 years old, and who knows? Maybe I am allergic now...but then it occurred to me, I think the bee sting was Karma. Heavenly Father teaching me a little lesson for thinking a mean and unfair thought of another...lesson learned. Hopefully!

Also, it does not appear I am allergic to bees.

And yes, I can't figure out how to get this to not underline. Deal!

Sorry about yesterday...but the adventure continues.

Sorry that I didn't blog yesterday. I should have. I just got preoccupied with something that took a great deal of time yesterday.

Today has been a great day. Super great! I hate Wednesday's at school everyone refers to them as our "Hell Day," I prefer not to refer to them in this manner, but it doesn't mean I don't feel that way. They are miserable, and I dread them. I sort of felt completely helplessly lost in Civil Procedure today which made me grumpy in Contracts... but thanks for a good friend, I got cheered up in no time. Law school can really get you down sometimes, but I am still grateful to be going and even more grateful for the wonderful people that I know there.

There is a bond among our class that I am sure most first year law students develop with their class, but I just feel so connected with so many of them. It is terrific.

Anyway, tonight I went to this thing for law school called the Inns of Court. It is pretty neat, and I was really excited to go. I was bummed that when I got there the most important activity seemed to be taking advantage of the open bar, but I suppose that's life. There was only one attorney I encounter who was flat drunk, so that bodes well. My table group was awesome, and I am very excited to get to know all these attorneys. They made me feel so welcome.

I did excellent at dinner too! We had a catered meal. I ate the dinner salad with italian vinaigrette dressing, some kind of fish, I think it was halibut. There was this I am sure deliciously buttery sauce that they served with the fish, and I did not touch that. Nor did I eat my rice, the fish and veggies was enough for me. When they brought the HUGE PIECE OF CHOCOLATE CAKE, I refused which boded well for me, because I was then offered a plate of fruit. Who knew? That was great. I much prefer fruit anyway, and it was delicious. Especially the watermelon. All the attorneys at my table complimented my healthy choice, and that was fun too. Mostly, I am just feeling so much healthier. I am making an evening snack of roasted sweet potato wedges, which will hopefully tide me over until I can get my homework done, which will probably be in three hours or so.

Anyway, thanks everyone for your support in all this. I know that I haven't listed any recipes yet, but hopefully this weekend, I will be able to catch my breath enough to do that.

Unfortunately, when I went for a run on Monday morning, I ran around 4 miles, and my hip has not been right since. This same hip issue flared its head during the Red Rock Relay, which was totally lame, but I thought it had gone away. Not so! I sat on Monday icing my hip with a frozen pot roast. Gross? Probably a little. I promise to not make you pot roast if you come to our house, so that you don't have to wonder. But it was just the right shape, and it did make my hip feel better, but it still is giving me trouble, so my running might have to just simmer down a little. Fortunately, last time I checked the U still had a pool :-)

Kittens and other such things

I know you have all been anxiously checking your blog queue all day, and you probably gave up hope, but do not dear friends! Do not!

Today was the first day of my eating challenge, and it went very well! I even made cookies tonight and did not have one taste, one lick, one morsel....oh no, not one.

I am a determined woman! Anyway, I ate my salad and liked it too. I will try to post some pictures of the yummy food I am eating soon, but for now, just know in your heart that this is a good change for me.

SOOOOOO, the real reason you are reading this blog is to know what the crap I am talking about with the whole kitten business.

Well, I had a dream last night which I think might put a smile on some of your faces. I often have very strange dreams, but they generally aren't amusing, so this was a nice change. Even better, I remembered almost the whole thing when I woke up this morning.

So, to start out, when I come to in my dream, it appears that I am in labor. This is nothing new, I have had so many babies in past dreams, I think I likely have enough children to fill Rhode Island, but this time things were a little different.

The baby came out, no big deal. I told the doctor to hurry it up because I had to get to class and I only had a 10 minute passing period. He did so, and I got to class. At some point, it occurred to me that it had now been two nights since I had that baby, and I had no recollection of feeding it. So, I took the U of U Campus Shuttle the hospital...so maybe this was happening at the U's Hospital??? Who really knows, and when I arrived, I remember looking at all the babies in that big room with lots of babies like you see in the movies and trying desperately to find mine. I was somewhat frantic because my brand new baby hadn't eaten in a day and a half. A nurse came toward me and explained that everything was fine, and they had given the baby some formula. Feeling worthless as a parent and realizing that we would never be able to reclaim that post-birth bond time because OF COURSE, I just had to GET TO CLASS and didn't have time to stay and recover like normal moms that have just had their babies, I decided to go and get my baby girl and take her with me this time. I did so and started my walk to school.

I then looked down and realized that my child was in fact A KITTEN. And somehow, in the dream, this seemed perfectly fine to me. I remember thinking that my professors would NEVER understand this or give me extra time on things because they would discriminate against my child for being a kitten. I remember thinking they would never take her seriously, and sure enough, they didn't. Feeling dejected and sad that no one loved my new baby...kitten, I walked home, and as if in Harry Potter, I was home in 2 seconds. As I walked across the West Bowl Field, nearing my house, carrying my new cat-child and feeling especially low, I came to almost our front door, and there was Parker.

He was standing there looking at someone running across the playground toward us. Then I realized it was Julia Jensen, our Resident Assistant, before I could even think about why she was coming toward us, Parker turned and yelled to her, "Julia, we know we aren't allowed to have a kitten in our apartment. We are working on it."

At this point, I screamed out in the agony of my soul, "WHY CAN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS MY CHILD..." And that is when I woke up!

Progress.

Getting a picture of just your eye that doesn't look creepy, is pretty hard, and I think that I failed. So, sorry!

I have been contemplating what to say in this post for a while. But, I haven't had the courage to write it. So, here I am, putting off homework, sitting on my couch, and I suppose now is as good as any time to dive right in :-)

The picture above is important because of my eyebrow. Look how nice and full it looks, how it's living up to its potential as an eyebrow. This is new for me.

For most of my life, my eyebrows have always just quit at about 2/3s the length of other peoples. Just ended. My mom's eyebrows are the same, so I figured it was a familial trait, but much to my surprise, this is not the case.

For the last year or so, I have really struggled with fatigue. I figured that I was just tired because I was working so much, tired from working out too, tired from stress, and yet, there was really never a moment when I didn't want to sleep. Never. I could sleep for 12 hours straight, get up, and want to just go back to sleep.

My appetite was funky too. I was very rarely hungry. Like almost never. I would of course eat, because HELLO food, I love food, but I was not really hungry for it except maybe in the morning.

Also, I am not sure if any of you noticed, but I did a bunch-o-athletic stuff, in other words, I worked my little bottom off running, working out, etc. I saw the slightest bit of weight loss from this, but it was minimal at best. This was not only physically frustrating but emotionally taxing.

I also am somewhat of an insomniac. I am sooooooo tired often that it is hard for me to think, but when I lay down at night to go to bed, it takes sometimes hours to fall asleep.

The list could go on of weird things that I figured were just Bekah-isms, but it all comes down to this.

Something is up with my body. I have begun the process of figuring out what that is. After some preliminary tests, the doctors have diagnosed me with Hypothyroidism.

The hypothyroidism really explains all of the symptoms just described, but not all of the symptoms that I have. So, there is more testing to come!

Who knew that hypothyroidism could cause eyebrow loss? Not me, but I do now.

I have started medication for my hypothyroidism, hence what appears to be the new eyebrow growth! But, I do not think the dosage is quite right yet, so the fatigue is still there.

It also appears that I have had this for some time. The normal scale for what your thyroid should test at is .45 to 4.5, per usual, I am an overachiever, ranking at 14.4 :-) Now, this is not nearly as bad as it could be, and for that, I am super grateful, but it will still be a process to figure out the correct dosage for that.

Here is what I would like to end with. First, as a result of the millions of things that your thyroid controls in your body, I have truly not felt myself for a very long time. On Tuesday night, I came home, and Parker and I were talking on the bed, I don't recall what about, but I started to laugh, and then kept laughing and laughing and laughing. I felt a sensation of elation that I have not felt for a very long time, and I realized that the old me was coming back, that at least for those few moments it was there, and I would be myself again in time.

Second thing, the medicine I am taking has a small side effect of some hair loss. I was naturally a bit concerned about this. I have not noticed it too much on my head, but let me tell you what, my pubes are going like hot cakes...probably too much info, but who can't find that funny? I know I sure do, every time I wipe.

Third thing, I KNOW THIS IS NOT A UNIQUE STORY. So many other people have this, it is a very common disorder, and pretty easy to treat, so that is wonderful. I am more concerned about the unsolved mysteries of my body still to be discovered, and I am very grateful that this one is at least decided. So, please do not think this post was to call attention to myself, to make you think I feel that I am dying, to alarm you or create pity in you for me. NAY. I just figured it was time to be real about one of the struggles I am dealing with in my life.

Fourth thing, in an attempt to help out my body, I am doing a 30 day challenge with myself. This will mostly involve diet and exercise. Making sure I am only taking into my body those things that are packed with nutrients as a way to hopefully help it to heal itself in some measure. As a result, I plan to eat within strict guidelines, but I figured a good way to keep myself on track with that, would be do a daily update of what deliciously healthy things I was treating myself to.

In this way, my struggle can become an adventure, and one we can all share together :-) Bring on the new phase of my blog: PROJECT UTOPIA will commence Monday. SO STAY TUNED.

Commraderie

So, I know that I owe you all a law school story. HERE IT IS, my second week of law school, we were working on this MEMO. For it, we had been given a hypothetical situation where we had to defend this 18-year-old punk wealthy kid. As one of the exercises for the class, we got to interview this hypothetical kid (our professor acted as the kid)....so as I was walking to class the day of that interview, I ran into my teacher. He was wearing jeans, a sloppy polo shirt, and sneakers...I looked at him and said "Dressing the part huh?" To which he responded, "NOPE, this is actually how I always look." AWESOME. Nothing quite like telling your forty something year old LAW PROFESSOR that he looks like he dresses similar to a 18-year-old rich high school student.

WATER!

Okay, so my physical ailments in life are of course no where near that of Helen Keller, but I can sympathize with her in some ways, and I similarly hold a special place in my heart for WATER. This story came about while I was running the RED ROCK RELAY, and I am only sorry that I have not gotten it up on my blog sooner.

As referenced in my Imagine Dragons post, I am sort of stubborn about my use and wear of contacts. I have them....oh I have them. But as I do not generally spend 30 minutes on my entire appearance, it is difficult for me to justify using 30 minutes to get that stupid clear piece of clearness on my eye, and because I hate it so much, I have not gotten any faster, more efficient or PROFICIENT at using contacts...so generally, I don't. This on the whole does not affect me, but...

I would like you to imagine. You are on your third of three legs in a running race. You have not eaten in the last ten hours, to this point, you have run about 11 miles in those other two legs, and now you are on your final 5 mile leg. It just so happens that you are running late in the morning in ST. GEORGE , UT. There is no cloud cover. The map which you perused scrupulously before beginning your run, failed to note the massive uphill at the start of your run, in the sun, and hotness. Additionally, as you waited at the exchange point to begin this last leg, the runner immediately before your teammate came through the checkpoint, turned, and puked all over. So these are the conditions at the start....oh yeah, and you definitely DON'T HAVE CONTACTS IN, so you can't see perfectly.

Your support vehicle is a WHITE MINI VAN, no special markings, no team decorations, just the snowy white color of a 2010 Dodge Minivan. You may not have figured out great hand signals for things, assuring your van that if you had a need, you would definitely communicate it to them.

So here you are, you are running, your legs are tired, the sun is hot, you are sweating...and then it hits, THIRST. SUCH THIRST...you look out, and then you realize that the runner is ME. That's right, I was tricksie and put all of that in the second person, but we are now back to first person....so anyway, here I am, I crest the hill, start coming downhill....and there it is. THE WHITE VAN. I see my team mate standing out by the driver's side door, talking. I think, why has she not asked what I need, but realizing that she is probably just so engaged in conversation to notice me, I just start yelling WATER, WATER, WATER. This is my subtle signal. My friend yells out to me, "Do you need something?" Thinking to myself that my friend is not to bright, I say again, "YEAH, WATER!!!!!!" There is a hustle to find a bottle, then my friend crosses the road to be on the side of the street where I am running. As she runs toward me, I think to myself, "My friend has changed clothing..." And then of course, the next natural thought, "She is NOT my friend."

So, some dear sweet support vehicle of another team supplied my water. The best part is their runner must have had a similar pace to mine, but been just behind me, because you better believe that I saw them 8-10 more times on my route, and every time I passed, she was sure to ask if I needed anything....never did I explain what I had thought, just took it in stride...small, weak, sad, slow, tired strides.

RED ROCK RELAY

So, we did this big race called the RED ROCK RELAY. It was a lot of fun, but a lot of work. We had a team of 12 people, 2 vans, and ran a total of 185 miles in 32 hours. Each person runs 3 different legs. It was intense and physically draining, but a lot of fun!

Here we are at the finish. So happy to be done.
Dash and Zoe were a speedy duo on our team.
Here we all are showing off our stripes. You get a stripe per completed leg of the race :-)


This is my mother in law and my sister in law. The middle of the night runs were some of the greatest and hardest depending. I was so proud of everyone.
HANDS OFF LADIES, this one is ALLL MINE :-) Poor Parker got roped into doing this...I really thought he would get into it, and he really did, but I still think in the future I will let him sign himself up for races and not take that upon myself. I was so proud of him though, he ran further than he ever had before in his life! And that was just one leg of his race, so then he had two more after. He did great!

Imagine Dragons: The Real Deal

I had so much fun at the Imagine Dragons concert. It was so wonderful to see so many people that I love and know. I rocked out. And, I refuse to wear contacts...so my glasses are definitely brown and my shirt is definitely black...but deal.

And...you won't believe it, but I totally rubbed shoulders with the genuine famous of Utah...so be excited.

It was called the rooftop series and it was at the top of this parking structure, it was way neat.

This is my friend Celine. She is from France and she attends BYU. It was so fun to see her.
Well, yep, this is Bree, and this is more or less summing up our relationship, wild and crazy.
Bree busting more moves. Cassity was also in attendance, she is Bree's roomie, and my friend. Fun to see her there too.
This is Kat. She is in my ward. She knows ALL about Imagine Dragons because her husband was roomies with the lead singer's brother. AWESOME. I got to touch Dan's hand because of Kat.

And who is this??????????

Yep, David Archuleta was there too...so I guess he is my friend now too.

Imagine Dragons

So, obviously I owe you all a huge post about law school, and probably right now, I should be studying instead of writing this, but let's be honest, it is Friday. It's been a stressful week, and I am ready for a break.

So, in honor of the break, please listen to the song below and just know in your heart, I am hearing them live tonight for free, and it will be bliss.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d712Th-4y0Q.

Pictures to come.

First Day of Law School Orientation

So, today was my first day of law school orientation. I tried to look cute, but still felt somehow very underdressed when I arrived. It is so strange to be back in school. All day I had this sinking feeling, a realization of just what I was getting myself into. I just wanted something to reach out and say...you are meant to be here, but I did not really feel that way. It's hard to be at a new school. I still seem to have these nervous moments where I wonder if I really made the right choice in coming to this school. Going to BYU though adding a commute, would have really simplified things in a lot of ways. I certainly would have had more friends coming into day one, but I just kept trying to reassure myself there was a purpose in me being at this school at this time.

**Funny Story Alert**

The day was moving a long just fine until we had to introduce ourselves. I don't know why, but I really hate doing this. I know it seems simple, but I would much rather have to answer a question in class that I don't know the answer to than try to piece together my purpose in coming to law school and something interesting about myself in two sentences that will delight and endear a crowd of peer onlookers. UGH, but that is what orientation week is all about.

The day had been going along just fine. They pre-made name tags and desk name placards. Halelujiah. I was growing increasingly confident that the whole day would pass without me having to so much as say where I was from in front of everyone...but then the instructor said those infamous and not altogether believable words, "...but enough about that, I don't want to talk, I want you to talk. So, let's have everyone introduce themselves. Go ahead say your name, where your from, why you want to go to law school, and....hmmmm, I don't know...how about something interesting about yourself." My heart sunk. Then it sank a little further when he started just three people away from me. Shoot! I only have moments to come up with something clever or moving...or both?

The moment came. I said, "Hi, I'm Rebekah Wightman. I am from Dallas...Oregon. Yes...you probably didn't know there was a Dallas in Oregon. (Girlfriend in the back row screams, "I DID." Well thank you for that, real helpful!) So, ummmm....you know, Law School is the only thing I said I'd never do and well, here I am. So we will see how this goes."

(Phew...done with that! But oh no, Mr. Instructor man has to pipe in.)

Mr. Instructor Man: "Wow! That's a big change, never going to law school to suddenly enrolled in law school...what made you come? How did this change occur?"

Me: Crappity crappity...I didn't think I would have to defend this. "Ummm, well, I don't know, I just felt like I should." Awesome answer, Bekah! Really wowing the crowd.

So in an effort to redeem myself I figured I would finish off with a fun fact about me. So then I threw in my standard....."and I am a champion leg wrestler." It was only after I said this that it occurred to me, although he had said to include such a tidbit....no one had, as of yet. So, let's just recap on what I told ALL my new PEERS and COLLEAGUES about myself today shall we????

In short, my name is Rebekah. I come from a want to be town from nowhere minus one person to whom it is somewhere. I am a want to be lawyer that doesn't want to be there and that doesn't know why she is. She is crossing her fingers and hoping for the best....while crossing her legs because apparently she is a champion leg wrestler...which is after all a want to be sport. GOOD. Real good Bekah.

And this was just part of day one...

2 Years

Well, Monday, August 15, 2011 was our 2nd wedding anniversary. This year was Parker's year to plan, and the day was absolutely perfect. Especially since I started law school orientation today, it was so fun to go have a lovely relaxing day with Parker.

There are many things I love about my husband, but ranking among the highest is his genuine creativity. If I name a day, give him a budget, and tell him I want surprises...he delivers :-)

This year was certainly full of small, simple, perfect surprises.

Here in Salt Lake, we have a public transit system called Trax. However, there is a very fast train called the Front Runner that takes you all the way up to Ogden in about 45 minutes. It is a smooth ride too. Since I recently acquired my new University of Utah Student I.D., I now ride for free, as does he because he is also a student. So, SURPRISE #1: Riding Frontrunner to Ogden while watching episodes of a show we like the whole way there :-)

Then once we got to Ogden, a cute little bus that looked like a Trolley picked us up and took us around town. The trolley was free so that was fun too. In Ogden, they have this cool place where you can indoor skydive and indoor surf. We went and watched people do this, it was way cool.

Then Parker convinced me that there should be a special occasions clause in my "no sweets for a year" resolution...so we went over to subzero and had some ice cream.

Parker has also decided that each year on our anniversary, we should set aside a little money to get something to improve our home. This year, we had a kitchen focus. We went to Sur la Table at the Gateway and picked out some items that would make our kitchen more efficient. We got a super duper scrubber thing, a lemon juicer that catches the seeds, and a slotted spoon with scalloped edges. Super FUN!

Then, we finished off the evening with dinner and a movie. Parker and I were both born in August. Thus, we are part of the Tocanos Birthday Club :-) So, for dinner, we used our free birthday meal.

The movie of choice was The Help. I really enjoyed it, and I think Parker did too. The whole day was wonderful, and a perfect start to the craziness of law school. Thank goodness for my sweet husband. All night, all I could think was how truly lucky I was to find Parker.

A friend told me recently that Parker was a good man, and I really deserved him. I had to tell her as much as I wished I could take that compliment, there really wasn't any deserving about it. I just got lucky, and that is the truth. Parker took a chance on me and me on him, so far it is proving the smartest choice I have yet made in my life. I am glad Heavenly Father brought Parker into my life and even more glad I was willing to sacrifice a part of my life plan for a better one.

DIY: Cinder Block Palace

So, I promised that I would provide pictures of how we decorated our new two bedroom apartment. After cleaning and cleaning before we left on vacation, the thought occurred to me that I should take some pictures, but I simply had too much to do. As a result, I have decided to display the pictures of our cute little apartment in installments. You see, I simply will never have everything clean all at once again I don't think, at least not for a great while, so I am just going to post pictures one room at a time as they get clean. This is our front room/kitchen. I love this room so so so much.

This picture was the theme for the whole room. It is just above the sink which you did not get to see because my dishes weren't done. However, if you cannot tell what it is, I will tell you. The picture is by one of my favorite artists Charley Harper. This is called "The Last Sunflower Seed." This depicts a pile of cardinal birds all trying to get to a sunflower seed but the one on the very far right has made out with the loot.

So this is probably my proudest feature of the room. I got all the frames for those pictures for $1.87 at Target. They are super cute and I love the character they add to the room. The bench is actually just a bunch of 15inch by 15 inch by 15 inch ottomans that I got for $8.00 a piece at Target. Then I covered them with material. The solid red is a bed sheet, the top cushion part is covered in my curtain fabric from our kitchen window in our old apartment. I love them. I also sewed the pillows with the large design. When I was in Paris, I worked with an older couple from Hawaii. I danced in a Hula and was given a strip of fabric for my wrap around skirt. It had three large square panels in it. Those panels became these pillows on the bench and couch.

I made this little scrabble art at the Boys and Girls club. It is made out of an old scrabble game. I love that it gives a cute personal touch to our shelf.

Parker and I are not big TV watchers, and I disliked that it usually takes up so much room, so I have stowed it away under that bookshelf behind our front door. Should we want to watch, we can roll it out into the middle of the floor and plug it in, but then we can roll it back when we are done with it.

This wall is not finished for me quite yet...but I have not decided just what I want to do with it. The mirror was a dumpster find. It is beautiful with beveled edges, I just painted it and presto! It went great with our room.

The curtains are a microfiber fabric and were very inexpensive, but my sister-in-law helped me sew them...as in, she sewed them for me. She was such a big help. I am so grateful for her!

Since I used Oops paint for the turquoise wall color, I only had to spend money on the white and red paint. In total, I think I probably spent around $150.00 to remake the whole room, perhaps a bit more, but I can't tell what a difference it has made for the peace I find in coming home. While I still think there are some finishing touches to be had, I like where our room is at. I can't seem to keep it clean all the time, but I am doing my best. Please stop by sometime and see it...but maybe call first, so I can make sure it is tidy :-)