Thursday, December 16, 2010

Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...

FIRST OFF, let me just thank everyone who commented on my previous posts. I am so flattered that I have so many faithful followers :-)

Today is a blah day for sure. I am so jealous that Parker doesn't have school or tests or anything that I could just burst. I am watching the minutes until I can leave today...59 at this point. But, I have to stop and laugh at myself because I still have to come in to work tomorrow for another 8 hours. It is more or less a sure failure when I am watching the clock and it is only Thursday.

58 minutes now. Anyway, my brother and his wife and my adorable niece have arrived alive and well to Oregon. I am super jealous of them too. The paper chain here at my desk indicates that I have but 4 days left until I too will join my family in Oregon...but this days seem endless.

Alas, such is life I suppose. It has been fun to read what everyone is gearing up to do with their lives for this holiday season. I am so excited for all these people welcoming changes. I LOVE CHANGE. I think that is why my job gets me down so much sometimes. It is terribly monotonous, and usually any change that does come reflects an unfortunate circumstance...a mistake.

Anyway, as a finisher to this altogether moving and riveting post, I was thinking last night about how much I love that people in Shakespeare's time yelled "Fie, Fie..." It seems so much more a flattering expletive than many of those I hear from clients on a daily basis. I think one of my new year's resolutions this year will to bring "Fie, Fie..." back. To make it rad again.

What are your goals for the new year? Perhaps this small change, this ridiculous institution of verbiage will somehow lift my spirits and those I come into contact with, what are your thoughts about this new found resolution?

46 minutes to go :-)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Oatmeal

Ummmm, so, today is my second day in a row eating oatmeal for lunch. That's right, oatmeal folks.

Now, you may be wondering, Why? Why would Bekah it oatmeal two days in a row?

Perhaps you are thinking, Oatmeal? Are the Wightmans really poor? Do they need some money?

Or alternatively, is Bekah trying to slim down for Christmas?

You may be thinking, Bekah....oatmeal....pregnancy! She must be fighting off the nausea of that first trimester with OATMEAL, sneaky girl.

AND THE WINNING GUESS IS?

That I am lazy. You see, I can't seem to bring myself to get out of bed on these early, dark cold mornings and actually make something worth eating. I would rather snuggle up to my Parker or sleep or read a book or a million other things that do not involve leaving bed...so it's Oatmeal for me.

What is your oatmeal...hmmmm? What effect do cold winter mornings have on you?


Noel, Noel...Noel, NOEL

I hope I can do this story justice. I am always more confident that things will come off as funny if I am staring at you while I say them...because then you have to laugh, and I feel successful. It's rough in the blogging world, refreshing the page like a hundred times in the first minute to see if any positive affirmations have made their way into the comment section, but I think you will all appreciate this story. Some of you may have heard it, so I will try to make it even better this time.

RECENTLY, while at Target, I was standing in the wrapping paper/bow/Christmas card isle. A pair of shoppers joined me in the isle as I picked up various bows deciding just how many Benjamins I wanted to lay down at the store that day. The ladies that entered the isle were happily chattering, and before long, it was apparent that these two were a mother and daughter duo. The mother was likely 60-65 years old, leaving the daughter in the 40-45 year old range. The daughter needed to find a Christmas card, and the mother was trying to help.

The mother started, "This one is kind of cute."

The daughter replied, "No, no, I want one that says Happy Holidays, not Merry Christmas. I try to be politically correct. " (She was for serious when she said that too...so I bit my lip so that they wouldn't know I was a. listening, b. laughing, c. caring at all).

Then the mother said, " Oh okay, sorry I didn't realize that...(long pause)...Oh Noel, look at this one, it says Happy Holidays."

At this point, it was all I could do to hold back the laugh. My goodness, the daughter's name was NOEL, and she couldn't find it in her heart to get a Merry Christmas card, she was named after the holiday for goodness sake! But, I suppose we all have our particularities; the irony has stuck with me though.

And for this reason, I do not think I shall name my children after any holiday...ever.

Monday, December 6, 2010

My favorite things...

So, I am terrible at taking pictures of our life. Our children will just have to take it on faith that we didn't just shack it up one night when we had them...because there is almost no proof that we even do things together...but I promise we do.

I have a co-worker whose husband is from Mexico. They are having to go through the whole citizenship process right now. I have become oh so grateful that Parker is not foreign, the poor kid wouldn't stand a chance at proving his viable relationship with me, total lack of pictorial evidence for sure.

This is all a very long introduction to say that we celebrated what has got to be the coolest tradition in the Wightman family last night. I LOVE this tradition. Ever since I started dating Parker, even before I knew that I would marry him, I coveted this tradition. But, I have no pictures from this blessed event. Don't hate.

ARE YOU DYING TO KNOW WHAT THIS TRADITION IS?????????????????????????????????????


It's called Christmas Kick-off. Now before I explain it, I am fairly certain that someone out there will have this tradition in their family too. I am not claiming this to be unique to the Wightmans, but I am claiming that I never experienced and/or heard of it before I met Parker. It will change your life...so only proceed reading if you are ready to be changed...
FOREVER.

Christmas Kick-off ushers in the Christmas season, and I love it. Parker's parents are so wonderful and generous, they make it so fun for all of us. Let me set the scene...imagine the most glorious dinner you have ever tasted.
Ham
Funeral Potatoes
Glazed Carrots
Rolls
and soooooooo much of all of it.

K, fastforward a bit now....the lights grow dim. Christmas tunes from yesteryear play delightfully and low in the background. We sit at the table, except now we have beautiful Christmas plates laid in front of us. On each plate rests a Christmas striped, chocolate dipped Strawberry. Next to the Strawberry lies an individualized Christmas card for each member of the family. We begin by opening our cards and finding treasures inside and a sweet personalized note. THEN, the toasting begins. Next to each Christmas plate rests a Christmas glass, just the size for toasting. Sparkling cider is opened, each glass is filled, and there in the dim light, we each toast for the good things that have happened throughout the year. It is wonderful!

This year, there were a couple presents to open too, group presents...games :-) I am so excited about them. I love games, so this was especially exciting for me. We have recently gained a pretty serious love affair of trivial pursuit in the Wightman family; only, the game we had was made in the 80's, so all the questions were pretty dated. We are very much looking forward to having some awesomely updated questions!

THEN, the whole family gathered together and watched Charlie Brown Christmas and Mr. Krueger's Christmas. My goodness, I know that Mr. Krueger's Christmas is only like 20 minutes, but I am flooding the room with tears by like minute two. I don't know why I do this to myself year in and year out...but I do love that movie. Jimmy Stuart is awesome, and I just love the message of it all.

Anyway, that was our Christmas Kick-off. It may not sound like much to you, but oh my goodness, this always transforms the Christmas season for me, and helps me to be in the right perspective for the coming days and weeks until that wonderful day!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Reflections

Wow! I can't believe it has been three years since I came home from France. In 2007, I had the opportunity to study abroad in Paris, France for about three months. It's funny to think back on it now. That three months changed my life in more ways than I could adequately explain here. It's ironic too that I did not really want to go there in the first place. I feel like I could say that about nearly every meaningful thing that has happened in my life. Guess I am not a very savvy commander of my ship :-)

Anyway, I was just thinking about all the experiences I had there. I don't think I ever anticipated how difficult an experience it would be to live in another country. I had this idea of France clouded with romantic scenes and beautiful scenery. That was definitely there. No doubt about it...but it was harder to notice after walking past the same beggars on the street day after day and walking everywhere I went because the whole metro was on strike (three times) and worrying for my safety as a young independent woman in the middle of a huge metropolis and feeling stupid ALL THE TIME because I couldn't speak French.

IT WAS HARD. But it was WONDERFUL.

I grew so much in those short three months, and I have spent most of my time since returning home yearning for that time in my life again.

I will share just one classic Bekah moment!

About a month into my stay there in France, I was invited with all the other girls in my program, to a dance. Now, all the other girls there with me were from BYU, and we had all been in France for a good month, but we were still sort of in a tourist phase. We rarely spoke French to each other, we traveled in a pack mostly, and as a result, I was totally out of touch with French custom despite my time there and my training before leaving for my study abroad.

I had read about the "bisous, " a custom as common to them as our hug. In fact, perhaps even more common than our hug and in many cases similar to our hand shake. Well, let me just break down what the "bisous" entails. Two people come together kiss each other on both cheeks while perhaps having some kind of light embrace.

K. Flash forward to the dance. My very kind French teacher decided it would be nice to introduce a few of us girls to some of his guy friends. Just friendly introductions, no different than anything we would do here in the states. But I was not at all in the French mindset...I mean not even a little. So, as I was being introduced, I saw this guy, this foreign guy coming near me...near me like a kiss near me...and WHAT DID I DO? What NO ONE but I would do...I waited till he had extended fully his face for the kiss and then barrel rolled out of the way kind of army style, and left him kissing air.

BAD FORM doesn't even begin to describe it. Fortunately, I remembered half way through what was happening that I would have a second chance. PERFECT. So, bless this guy's heart he started into the second kiss.....and I just couldn't do it. Call it immature, call it uncultured, call it whatever you will...but it was definitely me. And unfortunately, right as he reached my cheek this time I burst into laughter and ran out of the room.

Just ran to the courtyard...we aren't talking a cute leisurely run either. This was more of a full on sprint. I hid in the darkest corner, in the furthest place I could, hoping no one would see me, but also hoping I was safe. I sat there for a long time. I was too frustrated to cry. I was just ridiculous. I more or less figured that I had offended the entire nation of France in just that moment.

But I was wrong...

A bit later, one of my friends in the program found me. She was so kind. She wanted to know what was wrong. She had been there when I had my catastrophic collapse of culture. And she assured me that it was okay. In fact, she was so kind as to allow me to practice the bisous with her so this wouldn't happen in the future.

K. So here we are, two American girls, trying to practice the Bisous. We have moved out of the dark, into the lighted part of the courtyard. I go in for the first cheek; unfortunately, she went for the same cheek. PROBLEM.

You probably have inferred what that means...we kissed not on the cheek my friends, oh no...not the cheek, but the lips, and to top it off, in just that moment, the nice young man that had tried to do the bisous with me earlier, walked by.

Then I knew, for real this time, that I had in fact offended the whole country. That poor guy...he must have really been wondering some things about our culture or at least about me.

So you see, I had a few rough patches while there in France, but I am so grateful for that experience. There are other much more personal experiences that I would love to discuss in person, but I suppose today, I just felt that I should jot down a little note about something that has heavily influenced who I am today. Hopefully my story even brought a small smile to your face.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Yep...that about sums it up.



My whole life I have wondered what keeps the hamster in the wheel running. Is it fun? Is it stupidity? Is it that they are very weight conscious creatures? Do they think its fun? WHAT IS IT?This has been a conundrum for me for years.


Then yesterday, I was sitting at work thinking about my life. I was considering how there are somedays when it is just so monotonous and I feel like I am going no where. It was at this moment, that I realized I was that hamster on the wheel. This brought me to thinking about why I keep running on that stupid wheel, why I race to the finish everyday when I know tomorrow will just be the same. Why I don't quit. And I realized that being married has changed everything, I don't quit because I have a family to support. The weight of that realization rested upon me for a few minutes. I realized how grateful I am for this time in my life, for this taste of the working world. I long for the days of being buried in a book, nose pressed to page, wanting so badly to finish school, be done with college, but real life is not as fun. It is STRESSFUL.

Anyway, I don't know what Parker and I will end up doing, I don't know how our life will be, and in what way I will feel impressed to use this next degree I plan to receive, but I know that Parker full on expects to work, and I am grateful for this time in my life when I can feel something of what he will likely feel when he is working, making money, and somedays only continuing to move forward because he has a family. What a blessing to be part of a union that helps me shake a little of the my natural self-centered tendencies.

My brother once said...when you are single, you are selfish; when you get married, you are unifish...united in your selfishness; when you have a baby, you become selfless. Perhaps that is true, I am sure having a baby will help us become more selfless...but so far, marriage has taught me a lot in that department. So, I will keep running on my wheel...around and around and around and around.

Coincidentally, it turns out that someone must have known I was going to write this post, because they were so kind as to post a picture of me in a hamster wheel on google. Eat your heart out!



Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Patience or Push Over?

Have you ever had an experience when someone did something that was blatantly rude or uncalled for, but you were so caught off guard that you just kind of stood there dumbfounded? That happened to me today.

I stood there wanting to say something, almost saying something, but all well knowing that if I did say something, I would likely yell it, scream it, wail it rather than say it...so I stayed quiet, but I couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't have been mean. I really couldn't think period after that. But I know that part of the problem is that no one says anything, so the behavior of this individual persists. Ugh...I hate circumstances like this. I always think, I will be ready for the next one, but these instances always catch me off guard. I hate it.

Then of course later, all my great comebacks came to me. Anyway, I always wonder afterward whether I was actually being patient or just a push over. I wonder if it would have been better to say something in the moment no matter the tone, because I will never muster up the gumption to go address this issue later. That is the push over part. I can't decide what I am, and I can't decide which is better. What do you think?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Clementines


Last night, Parker and I had to run to the store. While there, I notice a beautiful bag of clementines. They looked so appealing, and they were even on sale. So, I decided to buy a bag. Within minutes of leaving the store, I was already sinking my fingernails into that soft thin peel. In no time, I had taken the entire peel off, and I sat there in our car for a minute taking in the delicious fragrance of that single clementine. Then of course, I ate it...I shared a little with Parker, but he was driving, and I always look out for our safety first, so I knew that I would have to shoulder the burden of downing the majority of that small clementine.

But it made me reflect a bit on life. There are few smells that bring the rush of Christmastime joy like a good clementine. I would say a freshly cut Christmas Tree has a similar effect, but somehow clementines bring back thoughts of gratitude for years past quicker than any other Christmastime symbol.

I think this is because when I was little, I remember hearing so many stories in primary and at home, and just throughout the Christmas season about how oranges used to be so rare and expensive, and sometimes all children would get at Christmas was a single clementine or orange. This was of course reinforced by "Little Women." It is only around Christmastime that you even see an orange...and each slice is eaten with such care. And the really poor german professor...Professor Bear who falls in love with Jo and who Jo falls in love with in the end...he gives her an orange. So you can see that a lot of memories were brought back last night as I ate my clementine.

I guess I just feel so fortunate. I mean just to demonstrate how blessed I am...I ate three clementines in about 15 minutes last night. I brought three to work with me today, and when I go home tonight, there will still be several clementines resting happily in the fridge awaiting my return.

It is truly humbling to realize just how generous those around me have been my whole life. I am very grateful for this holiday season. Everything about it makes me giddy. I just love this time of year, and I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to give back if even in very small ways. After all, despite our budget looking meager to me, we are still so much more fortunate than so many, and I am thankful that this season creates a spirit of giving and a willingness to accept. Anyway, who knew a clementine could provoke such thought? I certainly didn't. But I am glad all the same. Thank goodness for these little reminders in our lives.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Leaving things in the past...

Last night I had some visitors come over, we were talking about how you have an impression in the first three seconds of meeting someone whether or not you are going to like them. I thought that was interesting. I don't know that I totally agree with it, as in, I don't think it is prophetic, but I do think that it demonstrates how we are quick to judge, so quick we can't even stop it sometimes, and the best we can do it correct it after the fact. This led me to think about me, and if I do this. I realized that I generally don't size up whether or not the other person and I are going to get on, but instead, I size up if I think they will be interested in being friends with me.

I don't know why I do this, but I have for as long as I can remember. When I meet people, I instantly make a judgement call of whether or not they will care to get to know me. I suppose that this may seem really self deprecating, but I truly am always surprised when people are genuinely interested in who I am.

I think you risk with every introduction you make. Lately, I have been trying to take more risks correcting things I feel I have done wrong in the past, or just following promptings. Sometimes it has crashed and burned, but sometimes, it has turned out better than I ever thought.

Goodness, relationships with anyone and everyone are hard and scary. Even just making a comment puts you at risk for being misunderstood, and yet, there is something so important about doing it. About trying. About making your thoughts heard. But it is a risk...and sometimes I get discouraged when negative feedback mounts following such a risk. Yet....I think this kind of risking is essential to progression.

I remembered a story that Elder Holland once gave. I will include it below. I think in contemplating going home for Christmas this story has been even more on my mind. I think this is because at home, people still know me as who I was when I was there which for the most part is fine. But I think amongst the peer group that I grew up in, this is difficult. The same social structures remain even when you have moved on, so I suppose this holiday season while returning to family and friends keep the following story in mind, and do something different, something better.

"I was told once of a young man who for many years was more or less the brunt of every joke in his school. He had some disadvantages, and it was easy for his peers to tease him. Later in his life he moved away from his community. He eventually joined the army and had some successful experiences there in getting an education and generally stepping away from his past. Above all, as many in the military do, he discovered the beauty and majesty of the Church and became very active and happy in it.

Then, after several years, he came back to the town of his youth. Most of his generation had moved on, but not all. Apparently when he returned quite successful and quite reborn, the same old mind-set that had existed before was still there, waiting for his return. To the people in his hometown he was still just old “so and so”—you remember the guy who had the problem, that idiosyncrasy, this quirky nature, and did such and such and such and such. And wasn’t it all just hilarious?

Well, you know what happened. Little by little this man’s Pauline effort to leave that which was behind and grasp the prize that God had laid before him was gradually diminished until he died about the way he had lived in his youth. He came full circle: again inactive and unhappy and the brunt of a new generation of jokes. Yet he had had that one bright, beautiful midlife moment when he had been able to rise above his past and truly see who he was and what he could become. Too bad, too sad, that he was again to be surrounded by a whole batch of Lot’s wives, those who thought his past was more interesting than his future. Yes, they managed to rip out of his grasp that for which Christ had grasped him. And he died even more sadly than Miniver Cheevy, though as far as I know the story, through absolutely no fault of his own."

And then he followed it up with this:

That happens in marriages, too, and in other relationships we have. I can’t tell you the number of couples I have counseled who, when they are deeply hurt or even just deeply stressed, reach farther and farther into the past to find yet a bigger brick to throw through the window “pain” of their marriage. When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound that the Son of God Himself died trying to heal.

Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!

Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, “Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?” Splat.

And soon enough everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what God, our Father in Heaven, pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.

Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is just not right! It is not the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is worse than Miniver Cheevy, and in some ways worse than Lot’s wife, because at least there he and she were only destroying themselves. In these cases of marriage and family and wards and apartments and neighborhoods, we can end up destroying so many, many others.

Perhaps at this beginning of a new year there is no greater requirement for us than to do as the Lord Himself said He does: “Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more” (D&C 58:42).

I think this will be part of my gift this Christmas...to change a little for the better before the New Year, and try to forget past wrongs and just move forward.

If you are interested in reading the whole talk by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, this is the link: http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=12522&x=71&y=4. The talk is excellent. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Great Catch Up

So....it's been a while, and we have finally uploaded a bunch of pictures from our camera...so this is going to be somewhat of a marathon picture post...but for those who are resilient...I will tell all about my LSAT score at the end :-) If that isn't enough to keep you reading...I doubt that you will enjoy the journey to that point, so you probably should just stop reading now...but first, an adorable picture of my little niece Lucy, this is at her one year birthday party.. I think she is one cute girl even with pink frosting all over her face :-)


Now on to Columbus Day! Parker and I went to a pumpkin pa
tch, and somewhere along the way, he decided that this would be a great place to practice our future...very future...maternity/paternity pics...so here they are in all their glory.


I know, I need so
me practice, but as we progressed, things improved.





























The VERY pregnant look.















Daddy listening to the heart beat.












The look Parker gave when he realized he wouldn't get to 'carry' the child until after it was born











And us, just being our stinkin' cute selves.




Move ahead a while...Parker and I decided to visit one of his cousins. They are this great family. We had so much fun with them, their kids Lily and Hendrix (Yes, it's after Jimmy Hendrix) showed us their sweet rock collection (round, bumpy, red, yellow, broken, etc), did puppets shows for us, showed their feats of strength, and at the end of the night, showed us how pro they were at making caramel apples.





Finally, Halloween. This year we fulfilled one of Parker's boyhood dreams. When he was younger, he loved to play the video game Zelda. I recall my brothers playing this game, and how cool they thought it was that Zelda could like jump around in his sweet little green tunic and hold a sweet sword and have that killer shield. Well, it turns out, I was super misguided in my understanding of Zelda all these years. Turns out, Zelda is the princess and Link is the green dude. Of course, there would be a damsel in distress wouldn't there? But after Parker told me that she uses a sword in the game too, I figured it could be alright. So I printed off the characters' pictures from on-line...went to DI...and got to work. These are the finished products.


He kind of bugged me, because I had spent all this time making him that killer sword only for him to go and make a pretend bow and arrow in this picture...what's up with that?

That's more like it. I have never seen a more vicious fighter against inanimate objects like the stove and fridge :-)



Us being cute at our ward party.





Almost there.....
So that was Friday night October 29th....October 30th, I signed up to run a half marathon with some friends of mine. It was the Provo Halloween half, and so we dressed up. You will see that my friend Kim is the Spelling Bee, I am the Thesaurus Rex, and our other friend is Super Girl. Quite the trio...no body really got my costume, but that just means it was one of a kind :-)






Anyway, the sad story about this race is that it was very downhill at the start, the start of thirteen miles. When I got to mile 1.5, yes, that is one and a half, I tripped, and my foot came out in front of me the way a foot shouldn't, and I fell on it, and heard this huge pop, and I was down. It was this extreme rush of pain....terrible pain. Anyway, I thought about being epic and walking the last 12 miles...but as I couldn't even walk a step without experiencing some serious trauma...I decided against it. A very nice woman offered to give me a ride down to the finish line in her car. Anyway, I am very proud of my friends who ran it and finished, that is awesome...better luck next year I suppose.




And now the moment you have all been waiting for....the big reveal. I got a 160 on my LSAT. That means I was in the 80th percentile...which means I did better than 80% of those who took it nationwide. It's no Harvard Score, but I'll take it. It was the very bottom of my safe zone, and as a result, I do not think that I will need to take the test again. Instead, I am on to filling out my applications and crossing my fingers that all will go well. Thank you all for your help and your prayers and your kindness! I am so relieved, and I simply feel so blessed!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Anticipation

In high school, we had a very competitive theatre department. It was as popular if not more popular than sports at our high school. As a result, auditions were very competitive. I remember how much I dreaded auditions. I would get so nervous and worried and tied up in knots waiting for that time when I would walk on to the stage and try to own it.

In fact, sometimes I would become so focused on the audition that I would forget how miserable the wait was following the audition. Typically, when you try out for a play, there are two to three days of auditions. After the initial audition, they post a call backs list. Those not on the list have not made it. Those on the list have another try to show why they should be selected. After call backs, they post a cast list. I found that these lists came out rather late at night, and yet, I would get in my car or have my parent's drive me down to the high school no matter the hour, because the agony of waiting until the next day was too overwhelming. I HAD TO KNOW. I also always hoped that when I showed up, no one else would be around. That is not the kind of thing you want others to be around for. If you get in and they don't awkward. If they get in and you don't...awkward. If you both don't get in....awkward. If you both do get in...awesome! But that is a one in four chance of a good out come, and I really didn't want to take that chance.

Why am I telling you this? Because today has felt a lot like those days for me. The LSAT scores are supposed to come out today. They technically have until Monday, but for like the last eight years they have come out today. I am sitting here at work looking at the clock. It is 25 minutes until the work day is over on the East coast. I have literally been shaking all day. I have been so nervous and preoccupied with that, that I wonder if I have even been much use. I keep looking at my email. I just know that any minute it will pop up, but looking every couple seconds is rather taxing. Anyway...hopefully it will be today, but who honestly knows...I wonder if I will be able to eat tonight if it doesn't come here in the next few minutes...anyway, I hate anticipation.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Smiles

So, we had a regional conference this last weekend. That essentially means as it sounds. Our church is divided up into regions of members, and we gather every once in a while for these regional conferences. Generally, several speakers from the church leadership talk to us. The talks are generally given based on the impressions that that individual has had while preparing for this particular event. I am always grateful for these types of meetings, they cause me to think very deeply, and I appreciate that.

This year we had one session on Friday night and one on Sunday. The one on Friday night was tailored just for our stake. Our stake encompasses only those living within the University Student housing. So essentially the graduations of church bodies starts at a branch then a ward then a stake then a region... then an Area I think...and after that I am sure that there are other graduations, but I don' t know them. Anyway, that was a long introduction to get to the real point of the post.

So at the session on Friday night, we were encouraged to pray with more real concentration and thought. I don't care who you are religious or not...you should try this :-) I have been so surprised how my days have changed. Granted I have only been doing it since yesterday, so probably this wouldn't stand up in published research, but I have noticed how much happier I have been and really for no reason. Nothing else has changed. So, I am attributing it to this single act. Perhaps that is faulty logic, but I don't think so.

I love to smile. It lifts my whole mood when I do. I went through a period of my life several years ago when I didn't smile for months. I was so sad and numb that I don't think I even cracked a smile for a good long time, but I have realized since then what power a smile can have on me and those around me. Somehow, just the act of humbling yourself enough to talk to a supreme being calms the heart and brings a sensation of happiness. I wonder if it is because in the moment of hearing ourselves voice our most intimate thoughts and frustrations, we realize how much there is to be grateful for. I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet, but I am grateful for it.

Anything that can bring such pure and simple joy must be good. I certainly have found that to be the case here. I am glad for it. I sure needed a pick me up.

Monday, October 25, 2010

SNOW!!!!!!



Well everybody,

It looks like the first snowfall of the season started today. I know that some people dread this, but I enjoy this snow here at the end of the year. By about January, I am really done with the snow, but for now, it still gives me that exciting snow day feel from my growing up days. Unfortunately, there is no way out of work, so I am here, but perhaps, if I am lucky, the snow will start back up for a little while today. I think from my 16th floor office it would look rather beautiful, but I am sure this will come in good time.

Anyway, I see that my husband posted on our blog for the first time. That gives you quite a flavor for his personality. I am glad he posted, and he certainly has brought new found readership to our blog.

Also, in recent news, we had a bit of an accident this weekend. We were driving down 13th East in Salt Lake on our way to the dollar theatre. Anyway, right near the theatre, we hit a huge bump in the road....we are talking HUGE. When we got out to inspect our car, the wheel rim was bent, the tire was flat, and the hubcap was missing. May I stress that we just paid off those tires too! Ugh, anyway, we went to look at what bump had created this mess, and sure enough, it appeared that they had been doing some construction and just decided to not fill in part of the road. This wasn't just a pothole folks, this was earnest road neglect. Anyway, it kind of threw off our whole night. No movie. Had to put the donut on. Thanks for our friend Lisa, we had AAA roadside assistance.


See the black part. That is where the road was filled in. See that empty part with dirt and then a huge ledge, that is what killed our wheel. Maybe the picture below shows it better. It is as if they just decided to stop filling in the road...anyway. Bummer.

Which led our wheel to look something like this:



And our bad luck continued...yesterday, Parker's parents were kind enough to let us borrow their very nice 2008 Camry so that I could go to a friend's mission farewell talk down in Payson, UT. Anyway, as you know, it was rather rainy and windy yesterday. Well...at some point on our drive home, a big fat rock decided to fly up and hit the windshield right in the middle. Dead center. So, we now caused an otherwise pristine windshield's first rock chip. It was kind of a downer car weekend, but I suppose this is all part of growing up and dealing with what life throws at you. In the end, I suppose we can't complain too much, we certainly had many helping hands along the way.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Here it is, folks.

Alright, alright, I'll make a post. Bekah has been asking me for some time to make a post, and I really have been meaning to. Just waiting for that perfect idea, I suppose, and boy has inspiration struck. Check this baby out:


For the first time today, I thought to myself "Man, I really wish the pen in my shirt pocket wasn't sliding around all over. If only I had something to keep it in place..." Only then did I realize to what a benefit a pocket protector might actually be. Think about it: when you need a pen fast (and we all do) then what are your options? You can dig one out of your pocket, but given my increase in size around the middle lately it's getting to be a tighter squeeze every day, or you can fish one out of your backpack, also lame and time consuming. I need instant access, and a pocket protector is the way to go.

But I don't think I'll actually get one. Why? For one, I don't think Bekah would ever let me hear the end of it, but in reality what stops me is the stereotype. We all know the first thing we think of after we hear "pocket protector" is this guy:

The geek stereotype is nothing new to me though, partly because I consider myself a 'tweener. (Check it out, he's even got a USB flash drive in there!) For those of you who don't know me so well, I'm a Computer Science major at the University of Utah, which is perhaps reason enough to peg me as looking similar to that guy above. Maybe. But keep in mind that I am also a suave musician. However, I don't feel I fit perfectly in either category, musician or geek, but feel the need to be part of them both. On one hand I see myself as Michael Buble, saving the world one rendition of Mrs. Jones at a time; Bekah is lucky to have me. (I hope she approves of the use of that semicolon) On the other hand, I'm Andy Hertzfeld, one of the founding fathers of the Macintosh and a computer genius. (All those seeking to get their inner geek on should check out folklore.org)

I'm fine with being both, but it wasn't always that way. I took computer classes in high school and really enjoyed them, but I'll never forget the B-O laden, neck-hole-in-the-white-T-shirt-is-WAY-too-stretched-out kids around me in that class that I in no way felt a kinship too (or rather feared having a kinship to them due to the stereotype). No one wants to be this guy:


This led me toward music, whose stereotype is only slightly more desirable. But even that got to me after awhile (the music lounge was the cesspool of band geeks but I had to eat my lunch somewhere on those cold, snowy days...) and I began giving my inner geek some game time by taking an intro to Computer Science course. My professor was Dr. Erin Parker, and she was great. I really enjoyed the class and most of all I appreciated that she was not at all the stereotype. (I currently TA for her in that same class!) I've come to find that every CS professor I've had has been very socially-adept, well-showered, and can carry on a normal conversation. In fact most I wouldn't even have guessed they were computer scientists.

I poke fun at the stereotype only in jest (for those of you offended by my cesspool comment) because I myself have acquired many of the quirks of musicians and computer geeks alike, and I'm now ok with it. For example, I've recently switched to using a command-line text editor called Vim when editing my code, and found it interesting when someone told me about another keyboard layout that was supposedly more efficient than the one currently used on most computers. Don't judge. I'm going to post this blog on Facebook, and most that see it, including probably you, are going to think, "Ah, he's one of them." But you're here reading it cause your saw the picture of the big fat guy. Gotcha!

So maybe I'll get a pocket protector afterall. Truth be told, the stereotypes aren't really as bad as they seem, even in the Music program. There were some students that I realized led the battalion of bandgeekness into the far reaches of campus and garnered the bad name for us all, but most were quite pleasant, especially the professors. Or maybe I've just become "one of them" so I'm blinded by my brainwashing. But that's for you to decide.

A Departure...


I figured after my rather heavy post yesterday, I should probably lighten the mood a little, so I figured that I needed to explain a desire that has been brewing within me for sometime...

I am not really one to be into TV or the music scene. I have very little celebrity knowledge; however, occasionally I grow a little obsessed with a certain musical artist. This all started when I was 12, and my dad got the first Charlotte Church CD. We were roughly the same age...but my Dad loved to listen to her sing...I tried to sing a long. That didn't work...and I grew jealous of her...very jealous. You may be laughing...but you can't say you haven't done the same thing.

Anyway, over the years it has become clear to me that though I can't sing nearly as well as her, I have come out the winner in my dad's heart.
A "typical" Charlotte picture.
















A "typical" Bekah Picture.
Is there even a competition? I think not.













Anyway...lately though, I have realized that I would like to be one of the Celtic Woman. I know,
I know...but they just seem so cool. I mean come on look at this lot:


So, I have assessed the situation. To be in the Celtic Woman, you first have to be okay with the fact that even though there are always four or more in the group, they have decided to stick with the singular "woman" rather than "women." CHECK.

Second, you need to be able to sing softly and without vibrato....partial CHECK.

Third, you need to play a cool instrument...only Chloe Agnew doesn't and she is in there...so you need to sing really high or play a cool instrument...partial CHECK.

Fourth, you must be from Ireland....this is a big hang up. I don't know how to even go about making this a partial check...but I do like potatoes...???? Does that make it count?

Fifth, you must have a sweet accent and speak Gaelic...k...we are going to leave that one alone...who needs Gaelic anyway? Besides Parker speaks Norwegian and I kiss him from time to time, so I practically am fluent in Norwegian and Norwegian sounds as obscure as Gallic...so that flies I think. Don't question me on this alright? I took like a year of formal logic in preparation for the LSAT, my reasoning is fool proof.

Sixth, you must be able to walk while singing and make sweet formations while doing so. DOUBLE CHECK. I totally can do this...thank you middle school square dancing!

Seventh, you need to look really good wearing pretty, sleeveless dresses. K, problem here again, I am not really a sleeveless kind of girl. But there was this once when Chloe wore a little overcoat thing...I'll bring sleeves back. Or I could make sleeves that look like shoulders...shoulder sleeves I would call them. I'll start a new trend...so partial CHECK.


So in the end...what do you think? Can I become a Celtic Woman? In case you don't know who the heck I am talking about...please watch this sweet video of one of their live performances...you have to admit they are pretty cool.


WATCH IT! You won't regret it.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Also....

Also, this is a beautiful song and one of my favorites to calm down to:

I BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE...

My mind is just spinning today. I am here at work. It is my long day. I will be putting in 9.5 hours today. That is fine. My boss is gone of vacation. I wish I could be on vacation, away from this depressing environment. I have thought a lot lately about where I am in my life. About where I could be. I am for real when I say that I have honestly thought about taking myself off facebook because though I am genuinely happy for so many amazing friends of mine who are on amazing adventures throughout the world, and I am also really jealous because I am here, in Salt Lake, sitting at a desk. I know that this is starting out like a pity party...but I swear it is building to something. I really don't like my job. There I said it. It is the truth. Am I grateful for it? YES! Am I learning a lot? YES. But do I like it? Well there is the hang up folks.

I have been reading Half the Sky...when I finish, I shall blog about it. But in it, they describe this wonderful woman from Minnesota who decided at age 21 to go to Africa and work in a hospital...in Congo of all places. Then the book encouraged us to all go there or go somewhere...anywhere and really DO something with our lives. Oh man, I would. In a second. I asked Parker that night if we could move to Africa...he said yes. He always says yes. He's good that way. He's the best actually...but we can't go to Africa right now. I can't even get a different job right now. I could barely get this one.

I find my work so depressing. I loved college. It was full of ideas and energy and excitement. I am so tired of lawyers who just care about money. I am tired of divorces. I am tired in general. Why am I going to law school? I don't know. But I know that I hope it is so that I can scream in the face of all the cynics that I believe in marriage. That I believe in families. That I believe in people and that they are naturally good. And that I despise money and how is corrupts and clouds the mind. That's my rant for today.

We have staff meetings on Thursdays during lunch. I don't like them much. I find them boring. I like having my lunch paid for though. I dislike the meaningless chatter. Anyway, today when I was discussing a new client that we had, everyone asked why he was getting a divorce. I said that his wife just wanted a divorce and that he seemed like a nice guy. What a let down. I didn't realize what a disappointment that would be to everyone. They all wanted something juicier, something scandalous. They said, well surely he has a girlfriend. I said no. "Well, there must be something, there always is...the scandal will come out in time." I nearly burst into tears right there. My goodness. Why isn't it good enough that this poor man's wife left him after 35 years of marriage? He's shattered, and my co-workers want a scandal.

Anyway, right there and then it occurred to me just how provocative it is to believe in marriage. To believe in families. To believe in people and that they can be good. BUT I DO. I will scream it from the roof tops too. I am tired of the cynics. I am tired of the skeptics. I am tired of the haters and the tainted and the pessimists. I am tired of the mockery that people make of truth and purity. I am tired...but I am not finished, and I hope that I can turn this otherwise depressing atmosphere into a catalyst for change, into a reason to do and be and live BETTER. Ugh...I am tired of people settling for mediocrity. Sometimes I wonder if I have, but I haven't, and I won't.

This thought came back to me today, and it is what urges me on to be something more:

"I respect all men, and it is from disrespect for none that I say there are no great leaders in the world today. In fact, greatness itself is laughed to scorn. You should not be great today--you should sink yourself into the herd, you should not be distinguished from the crowd, you should simply be one of the many.

The commanding voice is lacking. The voice which speaks little, but which when it speaks, speaks with compelling moral authority--this kind of voice is not congenial to this age. The age flattens and levels down every distinction into drab uniformity. Respect for the high, the noble, the great, the rare, the specimen that appears once every hundred or every thousand years, is gone. Respect at all is gone! If you ask whom and what people do respect, the answer is literally nobody and nothing. This is simply an unrespecting age--it is the age of utter mediocrity. To become a leader today, even a mediocre leader, is a most uphill struggle. You are constantly and in every way and from every side pulled down. One wonders who of those living today will be remembered a thousand years from now--the way we remember with such profound respect Plato, and Aristotle, and Christ, and Paul, and Augustine, and Aquinas.

If you believe in prayer, my friends, and I know you do, then pray that God send great leaders, especially great leaders of the spirit. [Charles H. Malik, "Forum Address" (18 November 1975), BYU Studies 16, no. 4 (Summer 1976): 543 44]"

That address was quoted by Gordon B. Hinckley at a BYU Devotional and it was followed up with this, which will forever be my goal.

"It is in harmony with that profound statement that I wish to say a few words to you today. You are good. But it is not enough just to be good. You must be good for something. You must contribute good to the world. The world must be a better place for your presence. And the good that is in you must be spread to others.

I do not suppose that any of us here this day will be remembered a thousand years from now. I do not suppose that we will be remembered a century from now.

But in this world so filled with problems, so constantly threatened by dark and evil challenges, you can and must rise above mediocrity, above indifference. You can become involved and speak with a strong voice for that which is right."

I hope I can speak with a strong enough voice someday to do something good for someone even whilst sitting at my desk in Salt Lake City dreaming about Africa :-)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Blah...


Well, it's one of those blah days at work. I am soooo excited for work to be done today, and yet, I still have a few hours to go. I am giving blood today. I am excited for that, I guess that tells you how frustrated I am with work. I am also going to a service project tonight, I am excited for that too.

I have begun working out again, since the test is over. It has been so nice. I love to work out. I am very glad to have time to do it again. I am slow and my reps are few, but I am a determined soul. So there is that going for me.

On Sunday, we had some friends over and I made a pie. I love baking and I really enjoy making pies especially. This is one of my favorites. It's called Autumn Apple Pie. It is delicious. Should you want to learn how to make this beauty, I would be happy to teach you.
It was delicious. I am a firm believer that nothing is really complete without ice cream, so I slapped on a scoop of vanilla ice cream and waited for it melt a little and add the delicious creaminess to the pie. As you can tell, pie and really, food in general is a serious matter for me. But this truly is the best time of the year particularly for making delicious things. I love to read, and since I was young, I have always loved to read stories that take place during autumn it seems that there is always some feast to describe, and I am not ashamed to admit those were generally the pages that I was most attached to, but who wouldn't been when your imagination can run wild with visions of roast turkey, cranberry sauce, pie, dumplings, crisp apples, juicy pears, sweet potatoes, creamed spinach, pumpkin juice, luscious grapes and on and on....

Anyway, I take my food for serious which is why I also seem to take my running for serious, and so it will be it seems for eternity.

In other news, I am not sure if I related that my brother Andrew and his wife Charity are expecting a baby boy. I am so excited for them. Everyone I know who is due in March is having a boy; apparently, Heavenly Father is needing to even out some population issues because it truly is a deluge of boy babies coming our way. Although, in reality worldwide, we probably are needing more baby girls, but that is an issue for another day.

Anyway, I have been discovering a lot of other people's blogs lately, and I have really been impressed by all that I read. I am always intrigued at what thoughts come through other people's minds. I love it in fact, I find it inspiring.

Lastly, I went to a law fair last night. I got fee waivers for applying to law schools...I am thrilled that I just saved us a ton oh money, cuz well application fees are stupid anyway. It was pretty obvious I think, that the only reason I actually opened my mouth to talk to any representative from any school was to ask them for a fee waiver, but they didn't seem to mind too much. I also got to talk to my lsat professor....he says that nation wide the consensus is that this test will be curved pretty substantially, so that makes me happy...my chances for a good score improve ;-)

Well thanks for reading...that's all for now.


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

And it is OVER!

Alright. I know that it is like four days since the test and you are all waiting in suspense to hear how it went. Well........I won't know for a month. That has been a big let down for a lot of people. Sorry. It's just how it works, but I am actually really glad for that month, it will give me time to realize there is so much more to life than that score.

Anyway, test day was great. I really felt calm, and that was wonderful. To say that I feel good about the test would be an overstatement...I never feel good after tests like these. It is just really hard to know, but I do feel like I did alright, so we will see. I didn't feel bad enough to cancel my score, so there is that. Anyway, the next three weeks, I will be getting my applications ready for BYU and U of U. Its a small pool, and this makes me nervous in some ways, but we really want to stay here for Parker's program. I will have a better feel for my chances to get into these schools when I get my results back from the test, but the schools are roughly on par with each other as far as rankings and acceptance criteria. So we will see in time.

Unfortunately, I got rather sick following the test. All the stress finally let down and so did my immune system it seems, but today I am feeling much better. I am trying to think of good stories to include in my personal statement. I haven't settled on any yet, but assuming my personal statement turns out alright, I will perhaps post it here.

I really have felt immensely blessed by so many caring and loving people all around me. This test was much more difficult for me than I ever anticipated, but I was cheered on every step of the way, and that made it much more bearable, so thanks to everyone.

Anyway, I made a royal mistake at work yesterday, and I have spent most of the morning cleaning up my mess, but I think that it should be resolved by the end of work today. It's times like these that I wish the world was a little more forgiving, but I suppose you just take it all in stride...

So that's all for now. Thanks for reading. I should have a wicked sweet Columbus Day post soon, complete with pictures of Parker and me. Also...gasp...my husband has promised to post on OUR blog this week at some point, only time will tell :-)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Neglect

Dear Everyone...

I am very sorry indeed for the long pause between my last post and this. In case you do not all have it marked on your calendars, this is the week! I take the LSAT on Saturday. I am feeling pleasantly optimistic. I am mostly excited I think to just have it done and out of my life. I desperately hope that I will never have to take this test again, but I am going to just do my best and let the chips fall as they may.

Last week, I got a bit of the nasty cold, so I stayed home from work and slept to get better. I have never loved sleep more than right now. It is as if I can never get enough. I just love it...I am addicted to sleep; unfortunately, I still have not mastered the art of going to sleep. I am soooooo good at staying asleep once there, but getting to that sleeping state is tricky.

Since I was a little girl, my mind has always come awake at night. I think about life and everything that I need to get done and all that has happened in the day. I think about people I need to apologize to, wrongs that need righting; I think about hopes and dreams; I think about finances; I think about specific LSAT problems, the list really could go on and on. My mind is a swimming all night long. I wish I could just float off to dreamland. I had a roommate in college that literally was asleep before her head even hit the pillow...she was incredible. I wish that I could be more like that. But alas, I don't think that is in the cards for me in this life. I can't imagine what will keep me up once I am pregnant or have children...I am terribly good at worrying, and I suppose that there will be a never ending supply of things to worry about when we are at that stage in our lives. Anyway, this has been the state of my sleeping as of late. I am looking forward to hopefully catching up on some serious rest after Saturday.

In related news, my boss informed me yesterday that I get Columbus Day off, which for those of you who are like me and need to consult a calendar to know just when we celebrate the discovery of our new world...that would be this coming Monday, October 11, 2010. Could it come on a better day? I submit that it could not...I am finding myself altogether more and more appreciative of Mr. Columbus as the days near Monday...how shall I commemorate this blessed event? Ideas?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Foresight


Have you ever wanted something so much that perhaps you didn't reason through the ramifications of ascertaining that thing? Have you ever desired the good at the wrong time? Have you ever gotten so caught up in the moment that all reason went out the window?

I have. And this is the result...
On Saturday, Parker and I went down to Provo for a friend's first time through the temple. The whole way there all I could think about was how much I loved the chocolate covered cinnamon bears that BYU offers at their candy counter. It had been so long since I had visited my alma-mater that the moment over took me, and I all at once I found myself purchasing a bag of thesen these scrumptious morsels. Unfortunately, my good intentions were plagued by a warm day and a long time in the temple and a very hot car. This is the result. In stead of a wonderful bag of chocolate covered cinnamon bears, each individually coated for convenient consumption, I give you something out of Dante's Inferno. When I first looked in the bag after returning to the car, I saw them all swimming in their own melted skin, and unfortunately, all I could think of was a passage in Dante's Inferno. If you haven't read it, don't worry. If you have, you know what I mean...and it was no good. Fortunately, after a long stay in the fridge, I have this brick of deliciousness that simply has to be chiseled off a piece at a time for my gastronomic pleasure.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Free Fare Zone


I have often thought that a documentary should be made called "Free Fare Zone." In Salt Lake, where I live, they have a public transportation system named Trax. This is a great step for Salt Lake. We certainly are no match for the metro of Paris or the T of Boston, but we are making our way in the world.

One feature of the Salt Lake Trax system is the Free Fare Zone.


As you can see from the picture, the Free Fare Zone comprises the very downtown area. I think this is a nice thing. The Free Fare Zone allows most of the impoverished folk that live down in the city center a way to get around and a warm place to sit on really cold days.

But as you can imagine, the Free Fare Zone brings together the most diverse socioeconomic mixture of people that one could likely find in Salt Lake City. It is a real smattering of all the walks of life. Obviously, this is not an all inclusive view as many many people drive to work in Salt Lake, particularly those who are a bit better off than most. But riding Trax for about a year now, I have really gained an interesting perspective.

Just this morning, there was a young lady. She was riding Trax with one of her friends. She said she was 21. She dropped out of school when she was 12 years old, and she had to get up every few minutes and run to the stair wells of the train to spit because she was addicted to those nicotine/tobacco strips, and apparently, they cause quite a bit of saliva to form. I listened to her talk, the way that she carried herself, the words she used, I looked at the way she dressed, and I listened to energy in her voice. I wondered what all had transpired in her life, what had brought her to this point, what she cared about, what she saw for herself, what she wanted most in life, sooo many thoughts ran through my head. I struggled to still read my book thinking of this young lady. She is roughly the same age as me, and yet here we are at such different places in our lives. How did we get where we are and will we ever be able to help each other to grow and learn and change?

Other times, riding trax has reduced me to tears. The other day while riding in the Free Fare Zone, I listened to a young man rather loudly relate the history of his life including all the molestations, abuse, and violence shown him in his short life. He looked not well, and I wondered what this life will mean for him. I was impressed that another man on Trax was kindly listening to him and trying to offer as much comfort as he could to this young stranger.

I cried that day. My heart hurt for that young man and all others like him. I have probably seen at least a hundred like him on Trax in the last year. All of them let down by those that should have been caring for them. All of them hurt and changed forever. It made me wonder what life would be like in those circumstances. It made me want to do something to help, but that day, it mostly made me sad.

Then I remembered how my mom taught me that pitying others is really no way to help. Pity isn't the cure, its rather a selfish emotion. So then I looked for what I knew. That there is utility in every experience, and once you find that, you can put it into action.

I remembered that there is something divine in everyone. I remembered that I am not so different from these others. I suppose that is why my heart aches so for them. I think it is what gives me the motivation to do something more, something meaningful, something helpful with my existence. After all, I have been rather blessed with opportunities in my young life. I had better do something worthwhile don't you think?

I realized that all of these experiences are broadening my view of the world. I am realizing a greater capacity to understand and empathize with those from every circumstance in life. Obviously, I would not claim that due to my small commute on Trax everyday, I am some expert on how others live, but I am grateful to have an inkling. I think I can do something with this, and it excites me.

So at the end of the day, I am grateful for these Free Fare Zone riding Folk. I am grateful for their lack of inhibition to share their life experiences despite its blatant rebuttal of the polite social norms and so called "proper" behavior. It is refreshing to witness their honesty and to be taught by it.