Anticipation

In high school, we had a very competitive theatre department. It was as popular if not more popular than sports at our high school. As a result, auditions were very competitive. I remember how much I dreaded auditions. I would get so nervous and worried and tied up in knots waiting for that time when I would walk on to the stage and try to own it.

In fact, sometimes I would become so focused on the audition that I would forget how miserable the wait was following the audition. Typically, when you try out for a play, there are two to three days of auditions. After the initial audition, they post a call backs list. Those not on the list have not made it. Those on the list have another try to show why they should be selected. After call backs, they post a cast list. I found that these lists came out rather late at night, and yet, I would get in my car or have my parent's drive me down to the high school no matter the hour, because the agony of waiting until the next day was too overwhelming. I HAD TO KNOW. I also always hoped that when I showed up, no one else would be around. That is not the kind of thing you want others to be around for. If you get in and they don't awkward. If they get in and you don't...awkward. If you both don't get in....awkward. If you both do get in...awesome! But that is a one in four chance of a good out come, and I really didn't want to take that chance.

Why am I telling you this? Because today has felt a lot like those days for me. The LSAT scores are supposed to come out today. They technically have until Monday, but for like the last eight years they have come out today. I am sitting here at work looking at the clock. It is 25 minutes until the work day is over on the East coast. I have literally been shaking all day. I have been so nervous and preoccupied with that, that I wonder if I have even been much use. I keep looking at my email. I just know that any minute it will pop up, but looking every couple seconds is rather taxing. Anyway...hopefully it will be today, but who honestly knows...I wonder if I will be able to eat tonight if it doesn't come here in the next few minutes...anyway, I hate anticipation.