An Epic CHRISTMAS Fail

Why do I show you this picture you may ask? What a bizarre way to start a post! But dear friends, it will all become abundantly clear why such a picture was chosen as this post progresses.

As some of you may know, I studied International Relations in College. I loved it. I still love it, and sometimes I miss it. I studied a great deal about the treatment of women through out the world for research during this time. I even got a grant to research the Exclusion of Women during Menstruation (link). Should you be interested in reading or looking at any of these things...my research group was called womanstats and they can be accessed on womanstats.org, and the link to a quick overview of my grant research is listed above. For more detail on either, just ask. Most people get more than their fill from the mere mention of either, so I don't want to overwhelm any of you :-) Anyways, this is all building to something I PROMISE.

So for Christmas this year, I wanted to do something cool. I fear it wasn't very original, but I still wanted to do something humanitarian. So I decided to buy each couple in my family a duck from worldvision.org. This is a fabulous site if you have ever been interested donating things for those in need here or abroad. Anyway, eachduck would provide a source of protein rich eggs for a family as well as a possible way to make some money. I was very excited that I had purchased these ducks in honor of my various family members, and I was just trying to find a good way to present it to them.

NOW comes the explanation of the picture above, this is not the exact picture I used, but it is close. I want you to look at that picture...I want you think in your minds about how that picture would look from far away if it was a close up on that little boy's face with just a duck's head next to his own and printed with black and white ink...just think about it for a minute.

Then, I want you to think, how would you present this gift to your family? It took me days to figure out something cute, but on December 24th, 2010 while waiting for my brother and his wife to arrive at the airport, Parker and I struck inspiration. RUBBER DUCKIES! Of course!

One trip to target and three rubber duckies later, we were ready to roll. I quickly printed off three photos as mentioned above and attached a paragraph of explanation to the bottom of each.

I wrapped the gifts in such a way that the ducky would be opened first, then in a box underneath, each couple would find that printed paper with the picture and the paragraph of explanation. I thought I was so clever :-)

When Aaron and Becca reached for that present Christmas morning, I was so excited I practically screamed...and then I instructed each couple to grab their own similarly wrapped present. Wonder spread on their faces, my mother got this worried look, and I was still confused.

Then they each unwrapped their rubber ducky. MORE SURPRISED FACES, and I was still confused. My mom kind of whimpered a little when she got hers, Parker was rubbing my tummy at this point. My mom said, "Well this is a sudden surprise!" Still confused.

Did she know what I had given? Why was everyone looking at me? Why was Parker rubbing my stomach and saying he was so excited? It was strange.

I quickly instructed, "Open the next part!" Feeling confident that this would clear up any confusion...but I was wrong.

Everyone opened the bottom part. My dad was not sitting very near my mom, and from far in the distance, that sweet picture of the little African boy with his big white smile and the white head of the duck look strikingly similar to an ultrasound. PANIC. Panic spread across the faces of my dear sweet parents.

It was in that moment that I knew, that everything came clear...that it suddenly made sense why Parker had taken to rubbing my belly. Oh dear. What a lamo...in my moment of need and distress he plays it up to a pregnancy joke...lame.

I quickly cleared up that we were not having a child, that in fact, we were just giving everyone a duck. And in that moment, more Christmas wishes were dashed than I will probably ever know...no cousin for Lucy and her soon to be baby brother, no Wightman grandchild, no leverage for convincing my other brother to start a family...just a duck...a measly old duck...and an Epic Christmas Gifting Fail.

P.S. My family actually did think the gift was pretty cool when all was said and done...but for dramatic effect I decided to leave my audience of readers wondering...this kind of literary planning isn't found in every blog folks...just sayin' this is a one of a kind treat here :-)