My whole life I have wondered what keeps the hamster in the wheel running. Is it fun? Is it stupidity? Is it that they are very weight conscious creatures? Do they think its fun? WHAT IS IT?This has been a conundrum for me for years.
Then yesterday, I was sitting at work thinking about my life. I was considering how there are somedays when it is just so monotonous and I feel like I am going no where. It was at this moment, that I realized I was that hamster on the wheel. This brought me to thinking about why I keep running on that stupid wheel, why I race to the finish everyday when I know tomorrow will just be the same. Why I don't quit. And I realized that being married has changed everything, I don't quit because I have a family to support. The weight of that realization rested upon me for a few minutes. I realized how grateful I am for this time in my life, for this taste of the working world. I long for the days of being buried in a book, nose pressed to page, wanting so badly to finish school, be done with college, but real life is not as fun. It is STRESSFUL.
Anyway, I don't know what Parker and I will end up doing, I don't know how our life will be, and in what way I will feel impressed to use this next degree I plan to receive, but I know that Parker full on expects to work, and I am grateful for this time in my life when I can feel something of what he will likely feel when he is working, making money, and somedays only continuing to move forward because he has a family. What a blessing to be part of a union that helps me shake a little of the my natural self-centered tendencies.
My brother once said...when you are single, you are selfish; when you get married, you are unifish...united in your selfishness; when you have a baby, you become selfless. Perhaps that is true, I am sure having a baby will help us become more selfless...but so far, marriage has taught me a lot in that department. So, I will keep running on my wheel...around and around and around and around.
Coincidentally, it turns out that someone must have known I was going to write this post, because they were so kind as to post a picture of me in a hamster wheel on google. Eat your heart out!
Not going to lie, that is exactly how I've been feeling. I go from one cubical (our apartment) to my little cubical of a desk at work every day. And no day actually makes me feel like I am doing anything, I see no progression towards anything just the same thing day in and day out, but thank you for your insight, it helps put it in perspective.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both of you. It's nice to know I'm not alone. But I keep going. Thanks for the validation.
ReplyDeleteBeing a student is hard. Being a mom is hard. Being a student and a mom is hard. But for me nothing compares to the difficulty of a full-time office job. Sometimes I miss that season of my life, but not really. :) Hang in there! Go Bekah!
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