In law school-dom, there is a pretty famous book called, "Getting to Maybe." Because law school is really all about how in law, especially starting out, we are too apt to say Yes or No, when in reality the best answers are Maybe and then explain why in both directions. I read the book. So far, I wouldn't say that I am very good about getting to maybe, at least my grades wouldn't suggest that I am.
But, I was thinking about how in real life, I am the queen of maybe. I don't like it. I have decided that I need to get over all my maybes, all my feelings that I need to explain why I can't say a complete yes or no, but honestly, it isn't healthy. I was at the doctor yesterday, and he asked me a number of questions relating to my birth and breastfeeding of Atticus. Neither or these things have gone as I expected them to, and I have had to work through trying not to feel sad about it. Breastfeeding has been particularly difficult for me to get past.
I sat there answering his questions, following every unconfident yes or no up with some huge explanation about what happened. The doctor was very kind, and he listened to what I said, but before I launched into my breastfeeding defense, he said, "I can already hear in your voice that you felt like you failed... you didn't fail." Whelp, I am trying to see it from his point of view, but as I left, I realized that I seriously need to get to Yes. I want to be confident enough that when asked, I can simply say Yes or No without feeling the overwhelming need to follow that up with a giant explanation.
So,
Do you breastfeed? Yes.
Do you formula feed? Yes.
Did you get an epidural? Yes.
Was your labor natural? Yes.
Were you induced? Yes.
Most importantly, do you feel like a success? Yes.
I am getting there folks. Coming to terms with getting over what my expectations were and what the realities are, and still feeling successful.
YES Bekah! Loved this, especially because I need to work on a similar aspect in my life. Proud of you!
ReplyDeletePatrick read a book for one of his classes called Getting to Yes. :) I think there's very little "failure" in parenting, just a lot of learning to forgive and love yourself. You do the best with the circumstances you find yourself in and you find ways to turn it into your own success. What you have done for Atticus is extraordinary and very worthy of success.
ReplyDeleteYou are wonderful and amazing, Bekah! Thanks for sharing. Recently, at our stake conference, someone talked about President McKay. After President McKay gave his famous quote "No amount of success can compensate for failure in the home," he was asked at a small fireside what he considered "failure." By no means does anything you do or are apply to that quote but I am thinking in regards to you feeling like a "failure" in certain areas (which every mother does!). President McKay said "failure" means to give up and stop trying. Bekah, you NEVER gave up!! You have always worked hard to provide Atticus with the best start in life, both in birth and in raising him! You are the opposite of failure! Keep doing the amazing things you do and being a rock star at life! :-) Love you mucho!
ReplyDeleteWay to go Bekah! Definitely something I need to work on as well. So glad you're getting there! I feel like I've started to get there concerning my birth with Peter, just in time for round two! ha ha ha! Oh dear. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are fabulous!!! I have the same feelings so far all through motherhood...I think it's a road a lot of us have to take, but you're getting there! xoxo miss you!
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