Baby's backstory

So, I know that I haven't said much about my pregnancy thus far and here I am a day from half way...so I suppose it is high time to make mention of this momentousness.

Getting Pregnant (This section will talk a lot about my period, if you aren't interested in reading about that, please proceed to the next post.)

Okay, so obviously you all know how the whole making of a baby occurs, so I don't plan to go into that much, but this much I will say. My body has never been the pinnacle of womanly health. In fact, I have often joked that my body can't figure out if it is a little girl or a woman. My whole life, my period has been really inconsistent and sometimes altogether absent. None of the previous doctors that I have ever been to have had much to say on the subject...so it has been an eternal quandary for me.

Anyway, starting in February of this year, my period went on hiatus again. By August, I decided it was time to see a doctor again. I was a bit hesitant seeing as in the past my experience had not been terrific with doctors, but I came by a very highly recommended OBGYN and set an appointment. At that appointment, the doctor discovered that I had hypothyroidism AND annovulation (ie my body couldn't ovulate on its own). She wasn't sure that the two were connected, but she prescribed the medicine for the thyroid and hoped that maybe it would impact my cycle as well. She didn't seem really convinced that it would though. So, she scheduled a lot of other testing, as in, ultrasounds of my girly parts to look for tumors or cysts or whatever else could be a lurkin'.

Because of an insurance situation, I had to put those tests off to the first week of October. So, here I am, last week of August...I start taking the thyroid pill. Life goes on as usual. The goal at the time was just to have a period. September comes. I run in the red rock relay. Last week of September comes, still no period. I am just about 5 days from that battery of testing, and I go on this run with a friend. The whole time, I want to die. The run feels so hard which is bizarre because I had just two weeks earlier run about 15 miles in 24 hours...there was no reason for this run to feel so hard.

That whole day, I felt terrible. I felt achy and tired and just not right. Keep in mind I still have not had a period since February.... so pregnancy doesn't even cross my mind. I mean, I had just been officially diagnosed with the inability to ovulate...so it sure seemed unlikely that I could be pregnant.

By night time, I had just the smallest little bit of spotting. Imagine my elation. Holy crap. I was sure my body had decided to be a woman. It explained EVERYTHING about how I had been feeling that day. I was so excited that I was about to start my period. The medicine was clearly working! I texted my mom and a friend or two letting them know Aunt Flo was well on her way.

As I went to bed that night, however, I had this thought that I should probably take a pregnancy test. I wasn't even sure if we had one, and it was really lucky that we did because if we hadn't, I am not sure when I would have checked. In fact, I may still have no idea that I was pregnant. I am a religious person, and I believe that this baby came from a loving Heavenly Father. I have no doubt that, that same loving Heavenly Father planted this sweet little thought in my head. Had He not, I am fairly certain rather devastating consequences may have resulted from my total lack of pregnancy knowledge. I was gearing up for a half marathon and pushing my body pretty hard... I also know that some of the testing I was about to do could have had a detrimental effect of the babe. So I am very grateful that I had this thought.

However, at the time, it didn't seem significant at all. In fact, it seemed stupid to me to waste a pregnancy test when I still hadn't even had a period. So, I didn't even think to mention to Parker that I was going to take the test in the morning.

Imagine my surprise when I woke up bright and early 6 a.m. Tuesday morning September 27, assumed that grandiose peeing position, glided the test into that stream of unsuspecting urine...and got a smiley face sign 2 minutes later. Say what?

I couldn't believe it. You wouldn't have been able to believe it either. Add to this that we were consciously being "careful" that month too.

Well, I just about lost it. Poor Parker was lulled from the reaches of a pleasant sleep by the horrific noise of my startled scream and the jump as I crash landed on the bed...test in hand...overhead light still off...stick still wet... and waving in Parker's face. I impatiently waited for him to acknowledge if I was indeed insane or if he too saw what I saw... unfortunately, his eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the light or lack of light, and he ultimately requested I just tell him if it was a smiley or not. I told him it was...and then asked if it could be right.

He too was skeptical.

We both spitballed ideas back and forth regarding various contaminants that could have found there way onto the test in that two second interim from peeing to snapping the cap back on, but we ultimately settled on the need for more tests.

So, I went out to the local Dan's grocery store. It is amazing how in these moments, reason shines. I knew instantly that I needed to go to Dan's not Smith's because at Smith's you have to have someone open a case for you to buy a pregnancy test. It was as if my mind was building a foolproof route to pregnancy confirmation success in mere seconds. I will admit that putting contacts in before leaving was tricky. My shaking hands sure didn't quicken the process. Ultimately, I returned 30 dollars poorer and one more positive sure that we were indeed expecting.

And then came the next truly concerning question... how pregnant am I? Not having a period since February made it rather difficult to gage just how far a long I was, but after consult with the calendar. I thought I had a pretty good idea.

So began our baby journey.

Aruba

Yes dear friends, that is where I have been for the last two weeks. We come home today. Barring one massive slam of my arm into a staircase banister on my frantic flight to the incredible fireworks on New Year's Eve and the result massive black/purple bruise on my arm, as well as, one rather brisk wave which sent me reeling...and straight toward Parker..little did I know his knee was sticking straight out and we al know waves split apart your legs, so I suppose you can imagine what occurred there. However, aside from those two incidences, I am happy to report all well and safe. An amazing feat for someone of my clumsy-ness caliber.

It has been a relaxing trip made possible by the generous Randy Wightman frequent flier and hotel points fund...and still I have wondered if we could really afford to take this trip. It was a whole Wightman Family Vacation and that has been really fun, but it is sure hard to ever feel like you can "afford" a vacation when student loans are ever present and only building with the start of a new term.

In case you aren't sure, Aruba is just off the coast of Venezuela and it is lovely. A small little island with just blue water, sandy beaches, and palm trees all around. Delightful. Truly. Anyway, I would like to inform you that we did in fact bring our camera on this trip, and I think I got maybe two pictures before the battery ran out...next step, bring the charger! So, we are getting there, slow but sure. However, I think the rest of the family has taken some lovely pictures of us, so you have that to look forward to.

It has been an adventure in reading. I love to read and so does Parker, but we have almost zero time to do it regularly. This trip offered just such an occasion. I read Wuthering Heights and the Book Thief. Here's the thing. I should write another blog post just on those two. I expect to finish the Book Thief today and begin Fellowship of the Ring on the plane ride home.

Anyway, we return state-side today and should be home tonight. Huzzah! Also, I haven't forgotten about the post that tells about all things baby, but as we will be finding out on Thursday if we are having a boy or a girl, I figured I would save the whole story and post it with that exciting news. So, if you haven't yet voted about our baby's stats...please visit here.

Um, to end this post...I have questions.

First, have you been to Aruba?

Second, have you read Wuthering Heights and what did you think?

Third, have you read the Book Thief and what did you think?

Is Fellowship of the Ring a hard read? I struggled to get through the Hobbit, and failed...so I am a little apprehensive about this one, but Parker insists I read it, and I truly want to love it. So, there is that.

Please answer the question below...

If you could live anywhere in the world providing there is an internet connection...where would you live and why? Please include pros and cons. Also, keep in mind you will probably be there for a little while i.e. familial obligations still apply immediate and extended.

Life is SOOOOOOO GOOD!

Well everyone, I know you are anxious to hear about our little one, and I shall make an amazing post about that, just as soon as finals are over, but I am afraid is just a little too involved for my current time constraints. SOOO, instead you get this bad boy. Hopefully it will tied(sp?) you over...probably tide you over...until the next post.

K, before the meat of this post, my dear sweet mother gifted us a Christmas story collection book thing at Thanksgiving this year so that we could read a Christmas story each night. I have lived for these stories some nights. I love how it brings in the Christmas spirit. Anyway, we have found in the most recent stories that oftentimes the last page seems to be missing. At first this was distressing, and I told Parker how glad he should be that I had heard these stories before, so I could fill it in for him, but lately, I haven't been as well versed, so we have taken to creating our own endings. Pretty much the best invention since sliced bread.

Anyway, here's the thing. I am sooooo amazingly blessed, I just can't get over it. Yesterday, I found myself grinning from ear to ear in church thinking about all the amazing blessings I have in my life, and my goodness they are too many to name, but here are a few. I am having a KID! That is miracle enough. But, I am also pretty sure that I am not going to fail this first semester of law school. Hollah! Miracle #2. Also, I have the best family in the world both mine and Parker's...just awesome family all around. Ahem, #4, we have the most wicked awesome friends on the planet. I think through all the amazing people that I know and that I have the privilege of calling friends, and I just can't get over how amazing it is. Just this week, a friend brought me clementines. Multiple friends wished me luck on my finals. Other friends brought Christmas goodie trays. Does it get better than this? Nay. For, life is just amazing.

So, when I was sitting there dumbly grinning to myself, all I could think were the words of one of my favorite songs, and if I could ever get over myself and not be such a shy mess about singing in front of people in church, I should like to sing this to them, because it is the essence of how my soul feels right now, and I almost feel bad that my insecurities are limiting my spirit from fully expressing itself in this wonderful way. Here are the words:

What wondrous love is this? Oh my soul, oh my soul!

What wondrous love is this? Oh my soul!

What wondrous love is this, that caused the Lord of bliss,

to bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul?

To bear the dreadful curse, for my soul.

When I was sinking down, sinking down, sinking down,

when I was sinking down, sinking down,

when I was sinking down, beneath God's righteous frown,

Christ laid aside His crown for my soul, for my soul.

Christ laid aside his crown, for my soul!!!!!!!!

To God and the Lamb, I will sing, I will sing!

To God and the Lamb, I will sing.

To God and the Lamb who is the great I AM.

While millions join the theme,

I will sing! I will sing!

And when from death I'm free,

I'll sing on, I'll sing on.

And when from death I'm free,

I'll sing on.

And when from death I'm free,

I'll praise and joyful be,

throughout eternity, I'll sing on,

I'll sing on. Throughout eternity,

I'll sing on, and On, and ON!!!!!!

I suppose this just about sums up that last, immense, and eternal miracle given to me by the Savior that I am so grateful for and which really makes my joy full.

Life TRULY is SOOOOO GOOOD!

Red Letter Day

Well, I am a gem. Last night, I laughed myself to sleep thinking about the truly amazingly lame attempts at communication I made yesterday. My lameness begets lameness begets lameness begets LAMENESS. So, anyway, I figured I should share these incredible events with the blogging world.

First, I should say, there are times when my mind is thinking about something, and it greatly impacts the way that I respond to others, but they have no idea what I am talking about, so I just come off as bizarre. Such is the case with yesterday. Be excited to see me crash and burn.

First story: I was at church yesterday. While walking from my first meeting to the second, I saw a rather new gal in our ward. She had these adorable button earrings on. So, I said to her, "What darling earrings! I love the buttons." She says to me, " Oh thanks, they were my grandma's, but then she died, and I snatched them."

Now, just realize, Parker and I just watched the animated "A Christmas Carol." With Jim Carey as Scrooge. Anyway, in that movie, at the very beginning, Scrooge's business partner dies, and when he is making Marley's funeral arrangements, he has to pay two schillings...so before they put the cover on Marley's coffin, Scrooge takes the two schillings on Marley's eyes. I believe at this time putting the schillings on the people's eyes was a customary gesture suggesting that in the afterlife they would have great riches. Who knows, but back to the story.

So, for whatever reason, when she said that about her grandma and snatching the buttons away from her, I instantly thought of this scene in "A Christmas Carol" but of course, she didn't know that. So I say to her, "Yeah, hopefully you didn't snatch them off the clothes she was buried in."

Looking a little shocked, she said, "Yeah, hopefully not, because that would be bad...and weird...and awful."

Then I laughed nervously, realizing how really off color my comment was, you know suggesting that a loving grand-daughter robbed her grandmother's body of two solitary buttons to wear as earrings...yep, that's what I did. But, I decided explaining why such a comment came out, would actually be worse than just letting her think I was really weird. Is it really better to say that her mention of her grandmother immediately turned my thoughts toward Scrooge? I think not. Especially not during this holiday season. Well done me.

Second Story: Last night, I saw one of my good friends. We will call her BB. Anyway, she is delightful. She is 31 years old. Single. In the market for a man. Working on getting her master's in school counseling. While we were talking and eating pie, she mentioned that she spoke Spanish. I said to her, "You can't speak Spanish." This was the introduction of the bad. To which she responded all cute hurt like, and then said, "Bekah, it is my goal to be a bi-lingual school counselor." Now, please keep in mind that this whole weekend, I have had to read these rotten cases about child pornography for my paper, and unfortunately, when Bree said "Bi," the first thing that popped into my head was, "Bi-sexual." I know its lame that this would be my first thought, but alas, it was my conditioned response from this lame weekend. So, now let's go back to Bree's comment...

Bree: "Bekah, it is my goal to be a bi-lingual school counselor."

Bekah: "As long as that is the only bi you are."

Score. Excellent. Could I have said something more terrible? Maybe...but probably not. Here is my dear sweet friend telling me her life dream, and me...I respond to it...like that. Cool. NOT! I wasn't trying to be funny either, once again it was just what came to mind, but of course not at all because of her...entirely because of me, but oh my, how do you salvage that?

So, as I lay in bed, going to sleep last night, it occurred to me that I can be so amazingly awkward at times. But even explaining the method behind the madness of my awkwardness, would really only make me seem all the more awkward. I think I need to learn how to keep my stream of consciousness from leaking out in front of people. While a good part of the time it is delightful, I am not convinced it makes up for the times its not.

Hope is the thing with...wings.

One of my very dear friends at law school has a blog that she has named "Hope is the thing with feathers." I don't know what it means exactly, but I sure like it, and for whatever reason, in my mind it always computes to the above phrase.

That is important for my thoughts in this post. I don't know how many of you are current with the news, but I sure try not to be. I hate finding out about the miserable things people do to each other; however, it is nigh impossible to escape in law school, and the BIG, I mean HUGE story this week has been the terrible story about Penn State. I hesitate to post a link, but I will because it is the news, and you would probably find out one way or another. We will name this link the unfortunate and altogether stupid choices of Joe Paterno head coach of the Penn State football team. In a few words, one of the assistant coaches had been molesting children who came to sports camps but now it appears that maybe he was pimping these children out too. Anyway, when this came to the attention of Joe Paterno, he told the Athletic Director who in turn told the Vice President, and everyone just kept it a secret...all for football or embarrassment or something, dunno, but every time I think about this, it just puts a pit in my stomach. So, I try to avoid thinking about it not because I think we should ignore this issue. NOT AT ALL, I just find myself too often trying to find the rationale or logic behind such acts, and it just weighs me down deep. It's pretty difficult to avoid this at school though.

Not only is EVERYONE talking about this story, but the whole first year class is currently working on a paper with the same topic: child pornography. So, as you can imagine, there has been numerous parallels drawn between this recent new story and the nasty fact situation for our papers. The majority of these are done indelicately too. I don't blame them all for talking so harshly about all of these issues, they are terrible, but it is difficult to hear that kind of crap all day long too.

Anyway, I was sure feeling low, and then as I was cooking dinner, my very loving Father-in-Law sent me another news story. This time it was about a magazine salesman who accosted a woman, sexually abused her, broke her face, nearly strangled her. I appreciate him for sending this, because I know that he sent it as a watch out reminder, and it makes me feel so glad to have people in my life who care enough to send something like this, but coupled with all the other events of the day and week and previous few weeks, I just felt so very sad. My heart hurt for all of these people. My mind raced about how Parker and I would ever be able to keep our children safe in this increasingly wicked world.

And then my mind struck upon a thought...read the Book of Mormon. Most of you know that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe in the Bible so long as it has been translated correctly, but we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God. We are taught to live according the precepts and teaching found in both of these books. The Book of Mormon contains an account of Christ's teachings to the peoples living in the Americas as we believe that he visited here. If you have more questions about this you could always ask me or go here .

But I followed this thought, and I instantly knew where I wanted to read. At the very end of the Book of Mormon which is about 400-421 A.D. the abridger of the Book of Mormon, a prophet named Mormon writes an epistle to his son Moroni. I know this is a lot of set up, but I think that it will mean more with this history.

This is the final letter that Mormon writes to his Son. The world has fallen into wickedness, the two big groups of people in their society, the Lamanites and the Nephites are both incredibly wicked. The atrocities described in this chapter (Chapter 9 of the Book of Moroni) are so grave that my eyes cease to read them without tears a plenty pouring down my cheeks. I feel this so deeply because I believe that these events truly happened; in fact, I know that they did. So, today, as I sat reading, my heart crumbled as I saw the incredibly bad choices the people were making and how that affected those around them. The descriptions continue and all the while, I was thinking, WHAT IS MORMON DOING HERE? This is probably his last letter that he will ever write to his son, why, oh why would he spend so many words describing the dire situation? Moroni is living it too just in a different part of the country.

And when my heart reached almost its breaking point, Mormon said this, "My son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever."

And this is why I know that this is from God and why my faith continues despite this wicked world and why hope is the thing with wings, because when I hope is Christ, I am carried by angels.

First Snow

The way a crow Shook down on me The dust of snow From a Hemlock tree Has given my heart A change of mood And saved some part Of a day I rued. Robert Frost I feel this way about today. It has been so gloriously white. I know that by the end of the season, most dread the snow. I often dread it myself toward the end, but there is something truly magical about the first snow. A marking of time that demands all stop and take notice that a new season of life is beginning. I love that. I think God gave us snow to demand a slow down once and again. Today, I feel somewhat entirely overwhelmed with life. My Saturdays are so precious and so short. I play wife on Saturdays. I clean: clothes, house, dishes. Run errands for: food, bills, everything. And NEVER do I get everything done that I want to. This week has been a particularly demanding week at school. I had the frist draft of my brief due Tuesday. That turned out to be 27 pages. I had a final for my research class on Friday. My medicine dosage was increased yet again. All of these taken together meant that this morning, I walked into a front room littered with nearly every dish we owned, dirty, waiting for me to clean it. I have been milking my last pair of undies since Wednesday. I knew I just needed to get to today and I would finally be able to do some laundry. It turns out, when I say some, I mean nearly every piece of clothing we own. So, my day has been nearly consumed with household chores that just take so much time. I looked at the clock about twenty minutes ago realizing that I hadn't even so much as cracked a book for school this weekend, and I felt so inadequate. I wondered why I was doing this whole thing again. Sometimes I feel so wholly torn between everything I have committed to, I wonder if I will be able to actually keep it all together in the end. I honestly don't know the answer to that, but I do know that last night as I closed my eyes I drew back our curtain a little so that I could see the snow falling down, and I knew that today was going to be a good day. There is so much to be learned from this tiny miracle. Snow is not rushed, snow patiently falls forming each flake uniquely. Snow blankets the earth making even the largest mud pile look like a pinacle of mountainous splendor for a moment at least. Snow brings magic to children's eyes. Snow makes the world go slower, take more time getting where we need to get and really deciding if our needs are needs or not. I love the snow, especially the FIRST snow, and today, I really needed something to remind me that everything has its season, and that my very BEST really is good enough for what's REALLY important.