Red Letter Day

Well, I am a gem. Last night, I laughed myself to sleep thinking about the truly amazingly lame attempts at communication I made yesterday. My lameness begets lameness begets lameness begets LAMENESS. So, anyway, I figured I should share these incredible events with the blogging world.

First, I should say, there are times when my mind is thinking about something, and it greatly impacts the way that I respond to others, but they have no idea what I am talking about, so I just come off as bizarre. Such is the case with yesterday. Be excited to see me crash and burn.

First story: I was at church yesterday. While walking from my first meeting to the second, I saw a rather new gal in our ward. She had these adorable button earrings on. So, I said to her, "What darling earrings! I love the buttons." She says to me, " Oh thanks, they were my grandma's, but then she died, and I snatched them."

Now, just realize, Parker and I just watched the animated "A Christmas Carol." With Jim Carey as Scrooge. Anyway, in that movie, at the very beginning, Scrooge's business partner dies, and when he is making Marley's funeral arrangements, he has to pay two schillings...so before they put the cover on Marley's coffin, Scrooge takes the two schillings on Marley's eyes. I believe at this time putting the schillings on the people's eyes was a customary gesture suggesting that in the afterlife they would have great riches. Who knows, but back to the story.

So, for whatever reason, when she said that about her grandma and snatching the buttons away from her, I instantly thought of this scene in "A Christmas Carol" but of course, she didn't know that. So I say to her, "Yeah, hopefully you didn't snatch them off the clothes she was buried in."

Looking a little shocked, she said, "Yeah, hopefully not, because that would be bad...and weird...and awful."

Then I laughed nervously, realizing how really off color my comment was, you know suggesting that a loving grand-daughter robbed her grandmother's body of two solitary buttons to wear as earrings...yep, that's what I did. But, I decided explaining why such a comment came out, would actually be worse than just letting her think I was really weird. Is it really better to say that her mention of her grandmother immediately turned my thoughts toward Scrooge? I think not. Especially not during this holiday season. Well done me.

Second Story: Last night, I saw one of my good friends. We will call her BB. Anyway, she is delightful. She is 31 years old. Single. In the market for a man. Working on getting her master's in school counseling. While we were talking and eating pie, she mentioned that she spoke Spanish. I said to her, "You can't speak Spanish." This was the introduction of the bad. To which she responded all cute hurt like, and then said, "Bekah, it is my goal to be a bi-lingual school counselor." Now, please keep in mind that this whole weekend, I have had to read these rotten cases about child pornography for my paper, and unfortunately, when Bree said "Bi," the first thing that popped into my head was, "Bi-sexual." I know its lame that this would be my first thought, but alas, it was my conditioned response from this lame weekend. So, now let's go back to Bree's comment...

Bree: "Bekah, it is my goal to be a bi-lingual school counselor."

Bekah: "As long as that is the only bi you are."

Score. Excellent. Could I have said something more terrible? Maybe...but probably not. Here is my dear sweet friend telling me her life dream, and me...I respond to it...like that. Cool. NOT! I wasn't trying to be funny either, once again it was just what came to mind, but of course not at all because of her...entirely because of me, but oh my, how do you salvage that?

So, as I lay in bed, going to sleep last night, it occurred to me that I can be so amazingly awkward at times. But even explaining the method behind the madness of my awkwardness, would really only make me seem all the more awkward. I think I need to learn how to keep my stream of consciousness from leaking out in front of people. While a good part of the time it is delightful, I am not convinced it makes up for the times its not.