Life!

So, I am just sitting here at my computer. One final down. Two more to go. Waiting for a call back about whether or not I got the Resident Assistant job for the apartments where we live, and I figured that it was about time for a good old fashioned blog post.

Life really has been good since I last wrote. In fact, I feel that this semester my attitude and life in general has made a complete turn around. I am cheerier than I have been in the past, and I have really enjoyed certain parts of school this semester. I am feeling so grateful and so truly blessed. I am disappointed in myself that in the past I have been less than grateful and less than optimistic about things, so I am trying to change that. 

Above you will notice a picture of a bunch of beautiful lilies. Lilies are my favorite flower. I love them so very much. I love the way they smell and their simple elegance without any other fluff. I just find them unique and interesting and beautiful. I am not a big flowers person; in fact, I can think of three times in the entirety of our marriage that Parker has gotten me flower (always lilies), but I was ever so grateful this day. I needed a surprise and a pick me up. Thank goodness for my sweet husband. 

He also took me on a surprise date. Surprises are quite possibly my most favorite thing in the entire world. I love them so very much. They can be anything. I don't care much about what we do or what the surprise is, I just love not know that something wonderful is going to happen and then voila. There it is. I love that. 

The funny part about the picture below is we took it, because Parker and I are trying ever so hard to become better picture takers. Then we went inside and realized there were like 300 people on the waiting list ahead of us, so we didn't end up eating here after all, but you get the idea. 

I think that I am 29 weeks in this picture. I believe it was taken on St. Patrick's day. 

This is at my Wightman family baby shower. This is my sister-in-law Becca. She is married to my brother Aaron and she is due with a little boy also just three and a half weeks after us. How fun! Our little guy is just going to have so many fun cousins. It will be terrific. Anyway, I don't know what my face is all about. I look concerned or unprepared, but Becca looks hot. So that is terrific. Anyway, that is me at about 31 weeks. So, finally I look like there is a child in there and not just chubby. 

This last weekend, we went to the tulip festival at Thanksgiving Point. We were so excited when we saw this cut out board, as we have many a fond memory from the Norwegian cut out board that we posed in previously. I am hoping that in time, we will take a picture of us being cut outs from every country in the world. 

It was such a hot day. Probably 85 or 86 degrees but it was beautiful. The tulips were gorgeous. I really enjoyed looking at them. I think had it not been so hot, and had my feet not been swelling a long with my hands, we would have stayed longer and explored more. But I don't think too many people frowned on me being the only adult putting my hands and feet in the kid fountains. I tried not to knock any children over as I ran to the spouts for relief from my swollen body, but I mean children are small...and I have a large belly... so, I am sure they will all recover in time. 

Here I am at about 34 weeks. I really thought that I had put the picture of us smiling in, but I guess not. So, here we are in our traditional unhappy marital pose, but it is just a big lie, because we are actually quite happy and rarely serious, so I suppose this is our attempt at Hollywood. The garden was beautiful and the way they had it set up, it reminded me a lot of Paris and the gardens there. This part in the background especially. I thought to myself. I could spend hours exploring this place, but another time I suppose.


Anyway, all in all, life is great! Things are really coming together for us. We are getting so much done, and I am ever so glad about it. I have no idea when the nesting vibe will kick in, because that certainly hasn't happened yet. I am so tired all the time still, and school doesn't really help alleviate that, but only a week and half left to go this semester, and then all of summer break.

I have the whole month of May to just wait for the baby essentially. I am sure that I will be preparing and cleaning and doing all those motherly things, but my number one plan currently is to invest in a kiddie pool, fill it with water each day, sit outside of my apartment, and read books. Delicious, delightful and altogether wonderful books.

Also, I am really looking forward to labor. That probably sounds odd, and I am certain it is because I haven't experienced it before, kind of like getting that elusive period your first time, and then you realize what it is, and don't care for it too much anymore...but it's true. Call me pre-pubescent if you like, but I am excited. I will join the ranks of so many amazing women who have gone before and sacrificed much to bring these beautiful spirits into the world. How could I not be excited about that?

Anyway, now that life is settling into a different kind of storm, one where I think of day to day things more often, I am looking forward to really documenting these last several weeks of this pregnancy well, but suffice it to say that aside from being impatient for this little fellow to come out and join the party, I have been so blessed and so lucky this pregnancy. I really can't complain about a single thing. My sister in law said that I must be born to breed. Perhaps she is right, but either way, I am glad for this experience. It has truly been instructive and inspiring.

On the bus...

Today on the bus this guy was talking, rather loudly too I might add, about dreams, and how it's ridiculous that people talk about how they are going to school because they dreamed to do something. Already, I felt myself getting annoyed, but then he said, "Like, no one becomes an Engineer because that was their dream, they just do it for the money." I reserve this particular pattern of reasoning for professions like prostitution and drug dealing, so you can see my hesitancy to throw engineering in that group.

At this point, the bus driver invited himself to this obviously open conversation based on the cavalier manner in which my fellow bus patron punk was talking. The bus driver said assertively, "That's not true. I don't agree with you at all. Lots of people dream of being engineers!"

I thought to myself, well THANK YOU for saying that. Obviously that is true, I live with one who loves every minute of his college of engineering major.

The punk kept talking, making up a bunch of stuff to back his stance, and he just sounded more and more ridiculous...but bless the bus driver's heart, he decided to stay the course and try to convince the punk to change his thinking. This is a game I love to watch and hate to participate in.

The bus driver shared an anecdote about how his cousin had always wanted to be a structural engineer since he was a very little soul blah blah blah. I felt satisfied with where the conversation was headed and was just about to stop listening when the bus driver decided to make his final point.

He said, "You know, I used to work at a law firm. Making money isn't all it's cracked up to be. Do what you love and then worry about money."

Here is what I will say, I agree with that statement full heartedly, but I just had to laugh that in his final moments my bus driver hero drove home his/our position on the engineering issue by entirely dismissing my field of study for doing what he was defending the field of engineers against. It was only funnier that no one even thought to dispute that point with him. It was as if he had referenced a behavior so obvious and common that no one even recognized it was disputable.

Fortunately, I needed a good laugh today, and I got one. But I fear in these moments that either I am not ready for the profession I have chosen....or it isn't ready for me. I am not sure which one it is yet, but all the same, I hope you could see the humor in that situation.

Rocky Theme

But don't you fret. If you haven't read the post before this...you really should.

It occured to me, that I failed to mention, in Property class last Wednesday, I think I earned myself a point.

Indeed, the hypothetical laid down by my professor involved Rocky II and Rocky Anderson (a former Salt Lake City mayor). You better believe I requested the Rocky theme to play during this debate. You better believe that my teacher said No.

vs.

You better believe I sang it loud and proud not relenting to the defeat of social conformity.

Indeed, it was just as epic as it sounds.

Law School: 1 Bekah: 1

Hope to pull ahead soon.

Now, for your listening pleasure.

The Rocky Theme:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhlPAj38rHc

A good deed undone

So, I was walking into school this morning. I was late, and there was this little old lady with a haunched over back. Walking/shuffling with a cane very slowly, holding a briefcase in her free hand. She looked to cumbered down by these things. It occurred to me five times that I should help her, and five times I kept walking toward school. Finally, I turned around feeling remorseful for almost allowing this opportunity to serve pass me by. I walked toward her, I said..."Are you headed inside?"

Here's the thing, I anticipated her to have an older more feeble voice, like a sweet grandma. Unfortunately, that was not the voice that met my ears. Instead, she said quite confidently, "Yes, I am going in there..."

I don't know why but the whole tone surprised me so much, I couldn't even think why I was talking to her in the first place...so I looked at her and said, "Nevermind."

And I walked quickly inside.

Psych all you angels in heaven smiling down on me. I ALMOST did a good deed...but instead, acted like a goof, allowed my expectations get in the way, and missed an opportunity to serve not once but twice in the same 15 second period.

You better believe I was kicking myself as I walked into law school this morning.

For this reason, I say Law School: 1 Bekah: 0.

The Spewing Forth Effect

I have heard many former law students say that the first year was the worst. That there is a tendency in fact to want to quit after the first year. I will call this the spewing forth effect. Probably just because that puts the best picture in my head of what I feel like regarding law school.

Here is the thing. This spew forth effect has hit me earlier than most it would appear. Contemplating going through last semester again, for this semester, and then for four more semesters brings on perhaps the greatest desire to vomit that I have ever felt. Except it isn't even like a body vomit, it is like an entire desire to relocate to a small island in the middle of nowhere, change my name, hope to find some kind of respite or just die type of vomit feeling.

But the strangest part of it is that I wouldn't say law school is hard. It isn't that the academics are soooooo challenging. It isn't even that the workload is SOOOOOO intense. I guess it's just the endless mind game. Knowing that you need to keep coming day after day in the hopes that one day you can pay off your student loans. At this point, I think that is really the take home message that I have received. There is no magic in law school, at least not yet.

I guess it feels sort of like Christmas morning without Santa or the Baby Jesus or presents or family or cookies or carrots for the reindeer. There is no feeling of hope in law school. Save one exception. There was one single professor...one glimmer of faint aspiration, last semester. His name was Lincoln Davies, and I am only realizing right now that he probably saved my law school life.

Your whole life you grow up to be something, something great. Something inspirational. Something that really makes a difference. Kids at young ages want to be firemen or doctors or movie stars, and I suppose I believe this is because they can see, young as they are, that these professions have influence.

Law. You would think, also has influence. In fact, I think that it just might, if you can get through the law school part of law. Lincoln Davies' closing lecture, finally touched on this. It said that he had once doen something for someone because of law that meant something, and that each of us could do the same. WHY IS THIS NOT THE MESSAGE OF EVERY CLASS EVER TAUGHT IN LAW SCHOOL?

Instead, we have endless mandatory meetings and classes that teach us how to get a job, any job, some job, so that we can pay off loans. So that we can afford the debt we have incurred to just try and be this profession. Too often, we are told not to "jump off the roof," not to "kill ourselves." Well, awesome. Thank you for that, but maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't be such an attractive prospect for so many if more teachers talked about how law can do good. Can change lives. Can change our lives. And not just the money part of our lives, but the actual living part. The part where you interact with other people. Maybe if law, as it is taught in law school, encompassed some kind of nobility beyond just making money, MAYBE the profession would become something magical. Something to aspire to. Something that inspires positive action rather than cynicism.

I know Atticus Finch was a fictional character, so I suppose you could say shame on me for wanting to become a lawyer because of him...but I would rather spend my next five semesters envisioning a future like his than setting my course to fulfill a loan repayment plan.

Truly great people result from lives led in the pursuit of dreams becoming realities not realities becoming their dreams. There is more substance in me striving for a seemingly unattainable goal than settling for the pragmatic purposeless pittance paying prospect presently purported as the substance of success in my area of academic study. I hope to never stop trying to push my contribution in the world from mundane to meaningful. Ideally, this will mean paying back loans while helping people.

Either way, I will best law school. It will have to quit me before I quit it. I think we all know law school needs me ... and it would appear after repeated answers to prayers that I need it.

So begins the present rivalry of my life. For now, Bekah 0: Law School 0, I'll keep you posted...

Our little baby boy!

And then there was yesterday :-) Yesterday, when we found out that we are having a little boy. MY little boy. Oh my goodness. I am so excited for this little fellow. He is a fighter, and he already has quite a personality.

Yesterday, at the appointment, this little fellow was not very eager to display his goods. It took a lot of coaxing to get him to split his legs. The ultrasound tech kept pushing on my stomach and he would move his arms and push back like, "lay off lady, I'm trying to sleep!" After a few of those punches, he finally just took both arms and covered his face so just his sweet little nose poked out between them.

It truly is so unreal that he is just squirming around in there. That he can hear my voice. That he knows or at least will know my voice and Parker's voice. That he has all sorts of feelings and that he is content being in my belly for now.

My favorite comment that the ultrasound tech made during the visit went as follows, "The brain looks good, the heart is beautiful, all the organs look good.....WOW, those are really long femur bones. He's got some seriously long legs." Indeed, the babe will be quite long/tall.

Anyway, I am so excited about this little fellow. The Wightman family refer to him as Brutus Limes Wightman...a strong name, but probably not the ultimate keeper.

Second trimester has brought on even more sneezing than the first. Occasional taco bell cravings. Having to pee every second. And A LOT more energy than in the first trimester.

First Ultrasound and the First Trimester

I had my first ultrasound at seven weeks. Naturally, we weren't sure at the time of scheduling whether I was 7 weeks or more like 11 weeks, but we felt confident it would be one of those two. I was just about as nervous as a person can be before going to this ultrasound.

Because of all the health concerns and issues relating to my whole womanly self, I was not very confident in my body or its ability to successfully carrying this little munchkin. There was a week when I spent nearly everyday sure that I would miscarry...not because my body was doing anything, but because I couldn't really believe how my body would be able to pull this off. Because I found out that I was pregnant, all the testing was put on hold. I wondered for weeks what my womb even looked like... I mean after so many months of no maintenance...who knows what was floating around in there?

I was very grateful to have Parker for this part. He was so patient with me and even helped me figure out good methods to keep me optimistic when I felt the fear and panic setting in. I ultimately realized that if I didn't change my attitude, I would worry myself into a miscarriage.

It occurred to me that I planned no part of getting this baby here in the first place, so it seemed awfully silly that I thought now, I could somehow control things. Nay. Heavenly Father has had my back from the get go. Once I realized for good or bad, I just had to trust that things were going to be as they SHOULD be, I really began to enjoy the pregnancy.

Also, let me clarify this. Parker and I were very surprised about this pregnancy, but we were overjoyed. It wasn't as in "we weren't planning to have a baby...," it was a surprise as in, "we weren't thinking I could have a baby..." So, we felt immensely blessed.

Anyway, as far as the first trimester goes, I was incredibly tired. I had a record four naps in a single day. But no sickness. None.

The first trimester went swimmingly. I was healthy as could be. I couldn't ask for a better pregnancy.